Things I'd Say to an Ex (Pinterest 30 Day Challenge- Day #5)

I could not be more prepared to write this blog post. You see, on Saturday last, my friends and I drove out to a park and had a bonfire/smores session/burn party. Each of us wrote letters to people we needed to forgive, some of us including ourselves. We read these letters aloud and then burned them. It was all about leaving the past behind and moving forward without hate, without judgment, etc. It was a great bonding experience for those of us there, and it really was sort of cleansing to the soul. I recommend it especially for those with exes, bad roommates, former backstabbing friends, etc. Anyhow, because of my most recent weekend plans, I've said all the negative things I needed to say about each of them. Here is what I would say to each of them now:

Dear Ex-Boyfriend/s,

You messed up. I messed up. It's called being human. In the end, I ended up with the person I was always meant to love and always meant to share my life with. For some of you, you have met the princess to your prince as well and are well on your way to mostly happily-ever-after. I congratulate us both on loving again, and on finding who we really work with...who we can say absolutely nothing to but still feel close to, who we can share Netflix binges with, who helps us draw nearer to God. For those of you haven't met her yet, I hope that someday you will. I also hope that you will have learned from our mistakes in our relationship and treat her that much better.

I forgive you for everything you did. For some of you, I know you never meant to hurt me. For others, I know you did but that there were reasons behind your choices. There are some of you still that I truly hope get the help you need to live and love functionally. I would really like to sit here and tell you how everything you all did was so wrong (true), how I am worth more than how you all treated me (also true), and how I hope you all have to face the consequences (not so true anymore)....I imagine you will have to face consequences but I don't want to punish you anymore. I want you to learn and move forward. I want you to do what I am currently trying to do, which is to see all those mistakes as building blocks to where I am now. I am still not perfect. Neither are you. We never will be in this life. I am trying, though. I am trying to always be better than I was yesterday.

I used to hold on to everything, against myself and those from my past. I remembered every detail of every wrong made against me or committed by me...but that's not moving on. Moving on is acknowledging those mistakes yes, but then using them to be better. With some of you, I was too clingy. With others, I didn't stand up for myself or the others you hurt. Yet still with others, I lost my identity as I tried to morph into who you wanted me to be. Now, I am married to a handsome man with a beautiful soul. Despite how awesome he is, I have come to understand the need for times where you aren't always in each other's space. There is a true importance to alone time and what you can accomplish within it. He and I are always together, but sometimes apart. I have learned to use my voice, in defense of myself and those around me who need my help. Lastly, I have learned that who I am is okay with me. I was never the gothic or alternative girl you thought I was, although I really did/do like Good Charlotte and Simple Plan, and believe that black is a good color for me (just not covered from head to toe). I was never the 100% geek girl who loved video games/anime/whatever Myspace or Tumblr was obsessing over at the time, although I do occasionally play on my husband's Xbox and enjoy other "nerdy" things. I was never the girl I became for you. I was me, underneath all the perfectly researched and pretended interests... but I wanted you to like me more. I wanted to be who you wanted.

Now, I know that I only want to be liked for who I am and that's a lot of things. I love superhero movies, all kinds of music, dancing even though I can't, and studying true crime. I think the bubble bath is the best place for reading. I love history, but only the parts that I deem the most interesting. I read books meant for teenage girls and think they're really good despite the fact that I read at an above college level. I love things that everyone else makes fun of. Believe it or not, I used to adore Twilight...we're talking total fangirl who took a trip to Forks and posed in the meadow...until I researched it in college. I love shooting at targets but would never shoot an animal (although I don't shame those who do).  I am all these things and more, and if you don't like that, I don't consider it a necessity to change myself anymore. I hope that you are or can become proud of yourself, no matter who is watching or silently judging. Let that be on them.

In closing, I hope that you live your life to the fullest and figure out what you need to in order to be happy and no longer hurt the ones you care about or love. I will no longer be held back by those who never really knew me, and therefore who I was never really with.

Warmest Regards,
Your Ex-Girlfriend