I have the same fears a lot of people do, for the most part. I'm afraid of being alone in life, of the dark after watching a scary movie, of things that can eat and/or kill me, of being the victim of a crime, of death even though I know I shouldn't be, and so on. There are things we all fear but hopefully that fear becomes a motivation to truly live.
There is one fear I have though that I will admit has crossed the line into ridiculous, and that is because it is an irrational fear. In other words, according to the psychological definitions, I have a phobia. It is what is known as a specific phobia, and mine is about snakes. I am truly terrified of snakes. I put a toilet lock in my bathroom after watching the Facebook video that went around of snakes coming out of the toilet. If I have a nightmare about snakes, my husband has to check the entire house to convince me there's not one hiding to get me. If I see a picture or a video or even hear a snake-like sound, I could have a panic attack but at the very least, I am startled and have a bodily reaction similar to the beginning stages of fight or flight. I avoid whole sections of zoos, pet stores, and even the outdoors. Some of my favorite books and movies, like the Harry Potter series for example, have scenes that need to be watched or read through my fingers covering my face...if they're not skipped entirely. I have a very hard time walking alone at night because I can see a twig that m brain tells me is a snake...and the next thing you know I'm running my fastest mile ever. You would really be surprised how much the nasty little buggers show up: on Facebook, in movie trailers when I go to the theater, on billboards, on every TV show ever eventually, etc. If I do have a phobic attack, my nervous system initiates my fight, flight, or freeze response. This is draining and exhausting to my body and leaves me with general anxiety for hours afterward.
About a year ago, I had a horrible nightmare about my phobia. I was hiking with my future children (don't ask me how I know they were my future children...that's just what my brain told me). We come across a large rattle snake ahead on the path. I turn and run, leaving my children behind and at the mercy of a poisonous, lethal animal. When I woke up, I was more bothered by my phobia than ever. How could I, even subconsciously/unconsciously allow a fear to control me and even overpower my maternal instincts? How could I leave any child, but especially my children, in despair? I finally decided to get help. That was when I started exposure therapy, which is a progressive process of confronting your fear. I started out with things like saying the word "snake" over and over until it sounded like nonsense. Yes, I was to the point of being afraid of the word, and would become terrified when people discussed the subject to any degree. Now, I am to the point of watching movies that have snakes and making myself watch. I also make myself look at snakes in the zoo and pet stores, so long as they are in a cage and separated from me. I am so grateful for the progress I have been able to make, to my husband/friends/family for being so supportive and understanding, and to my amazing therapist. My school provides free therapy for students, and I will forever be thankful for this wonderful service. The best part of my therapy was actually during our first session. He said, "How wonderful is it that God gave you that dream so you could change before your children even get here?" Since then, I have had a good perspective about that dream and conquering my phobia overall. While I am not completely cured, I know I will be. I will never want a snake as a pet. I will always have a healthy fear of snakes, as they are lethal. I will not, however, leave my children or anyone I love because I am afraid. I will not be prevented from living my life the way I want to. I will take my siblings to zoos. I will go to the pet store with my husband without cutting off the circulation in his hand as we pass the terrariums. I will not let my fear control me.
Of course, this is all very personal so why am I sharing it on my very visible blog? For two reasons. One, if you have a phobia, I want you to know that you can beat it. Yes, it will be terrifying. Yes, the therapeutic process is really hard....but you can do it, and it will be worth it. Two, if you know and love someone with a phobia, try very hard to be supportive and not belittling. I can't tell you how small I have felt when people tell me my phobia is stupid, that I just need to grow up, or that I'm a wimp. I can't tell you how angry it makes me when a "friend" chooses to terrify me by texting me a picture of a snake, making snake sounds through my open window, or even trying to force me to touch a snake in person by inhibiting my control of my body. This is not okay behavior. You are causing more emotional damage, and even physical damage, than you realize. Even if you don't understand, try to learn or at least to be supportive. Phobias and mental illnesses in general are real and really do impact one's life, even if you can't see them. Please don't make your loved one's problem worse. If you wouldn't tell them their cancer is stupid, don't tell them their phobia is. If you wouldn't expect them to just get over a gunshot wound, don't expect them to just get over their depression. If you wouldn't punch their broken arm, don't shove the source of their anxiety in their face. If you would do any of that...I'll pray for you because you clearly need prison and probably involuntary commitment.
The answer is simple. If you understand, great! Even if you don't, be kind. That's all it takes to go from twisting the knife in their wound to helping them heal.
