Friday, December 30, 2016

What No Child Left Behind Should Really Mean

James A. Baldwin once said, "It is certain, in any case, that ignorance, allied with power, is the most ferocious enemy justice can have."

I have lived a large part of my life coming to understand this quote as an undeniable truth. It is now finally time to share my story and do the best that I can to alleviate some of the ignorance that leads to an overwhelming problem and injustice in today's society. To be honest, I am ashamed of myself for not writing this sooner. I think I was scared of what evil lies and backlash may be said about me in response. I was somehow afraid the people I am about to write about could somehow still hurt me. I do not write what I am about to share for attention, sympathy, or revenge. I write it so that those silenced can have a voice, so that the issue at hand can be heard, and so the people who read it can maybe have some needed information to make a change. Injustice is a problem for so many groups in today's world, but the group I choose to speak for in this post is children.

Children are among the very few people that are allowed to be innocent in this world. While that is lovely and magical for the most part, there are those sinister enough to take advantage of a child's innocence. There are those who would mistake a child's innocence for not having a valuable opinion. There are those who would willingly sacrifice the best interests of a child for selfish purposes, simply because the child can do nothing about it. What's truly horrifying is when one of those people who would do such terrible things...is the parent of that child. Unfortunately, this is something that I have encountered more than once in my lifetime.

My story begins with my biological father. He was a man who physically abused my mother, even while she was pregnant with me. My mother did all she could to protect us from him, and never said a bad word about him because she believed he was a good father, even if he hadn't been a good husband. I didn't see my father very often in the early years of my life, and don't have very many solid memories of him until I was about 10 years old. From there, I remember a dizzying array of courtroom battles in which my father did everything he could to avoid providing my mother with child support. My mother went without so I wouldn't have to, while he bought new homes and went on expensive cruise vacations. The worst came when my father's brother-in-law sexually harassed me. My father knew about this but lied in court to protect this young man who had violated my innocence. Because of my father's decision, I rarely spoke to him and never under good terms again. I was then 14, and we saw less and less child support payments until they eventually just stopped altogether. I talked to court mediators directly and indirectly over all the years, even as a teenager with sometimes too many opinions. They ignored me when I said I didn't want to visit him, forcing visitation rights on me. They ignored me when I said he wasn't helping to support me, never even altering the amount he was supposed to provide, let alone holding him accountable for all he hadn't done in the past. They ignored me when I said I had been sexually harassed in his home, and still expected me to go back. I had to burn a lot of bridges and do a lot of bad things in order to make it so my father never wanted me to return, and I never had to go back. My mother fought for me all those years, doing her best to protect and provide for her child. She was the only one who ever held my father accountable. His new wife, despite being a mother herself, was all too happy to indulge on money that should have gone to her husband's child. The justice system served only the dead beat dad, leaving the mother and child to fend for ourselves. Sadly, my story with being failed by the justice system and father figures didn't end there. My mother eventually re-married, and at the time we had no clue that the blows he would deal my family would make what my father did look like nothing.

Mark Bosch seemed like the guy who was everyone's friend. He was a surfer boy from Southern California, and seemed like an overgrown kid most of the time. He and my mother had two beautiful children, my siblings Kiera and Noah. Mark came into my life when I was about 10. I didn't really like him but that wasn't necessarily because of him. It was more due to resentment of any father figure due to my biological father, and because I didn't want to share my mom. We butted heads frequently because Mark went from being someone with no responsibilities to instantly having to be responsible for a very opinionated pre-teen. Kiera was born when I was 12, and Noah was born when I was 14. I don't know if Mark was a person who just couldn't handle responsibility or if something in him just snapped, but he grew to be a very cruel and vindictive person. His favorite victims were my small brother Noah, his niece who lived with us, and myself. Still, he treated anybody who didn't agree with him as if they were beneath him. I watched him make his mother cry and actually laugh at her in response. I watched him lose the respect of his father, who unfortunately died ashamed of the man Mark had become. I watched him call his niece every degrading thing a woman can be called, let alone a young girl. I watched him only refer to my brother as Norah, and make him feel like he wasn't a good boy because he liked things that Mark didn't. Noah often had full-out red handprints on his skin hours after a negative interaction with Mark. Mark often plotted against me, sometimes putting months of preparation into plans to cause fights between my mother and I. He called me every name in the book, and worse. He once chased me down the stairs, and when I fell over, he ripped my pants off of me as I struggled to crawl away in his furious attempt to hurt me. He was physically and verbally abusive to everyone in our house. Kiera usually avoided direct abuse, but I would never say she wasn't hurt by him too. She was a Daddy's girl, but that unfortunately became her own private hell as she watched her daddy torture everyone she loved and then expect and encourage her to hate them. No preschooler should be taught about hate and vindictive behavior. No toddler should have to try to understand why his father doesn't approve of him or why he would hit him over doing nothing wrong.


(These pictures appear to reflect a happy family. In reality, we were miserable so often. These pictures were taken among our worst times. See beyond the public masks.)
[TOP (LEFT TO RIGHT): Theresa, my mother Tonya, Mark, Noah, myself, and Kiera]
[BOTTOM (LEFT TO RIGHT): Myself, Mark, Theresa, Frankie, a church elder, Linda, Tonya, and Kiera]

We all suffered in silence a lot of the time because nobody wanted to believe that Mark was capable of the things he did at first. Mark was very good at putting on the nice guy mask. When people got closer to us and Mark would eventually let his guard down just enough to go off in front of an audience, those people would try to help my mom in her attempts to fix things and then eventually leave him. At first, we tried different versions of family and individual counseling. Mark refused to change, never taking accountability and only placing blame on anyone and everyone...his mother, his mother-in-law, my mother, and any or all of us children.  Counselors finally stopped trying to heal our broken family, and instead helped my mother to find a way out. We finally were able to flee after my mom got a job in another location in which she knew she could support us on her own. She knew Mark wouldn't help financially once we were gone, and she was right. Over those years of living in that house, I can't tell you how many mediators, police officers, and counselors came into our lives. Somehow, Mark was the only one who got away unscathed.

My mom has spent all of her years as a mother giving all she had to her children and then more, when their fathers didn't come through. The most basic part of our suffering was facing financial hardship over all the years, and that was just the tip of the iceberg. Kiera, Noah, his niece Theresa, and I all needed intensive therapy. Kiera and Noah basically have different degrees of post-traumatic stress disorder. I suffered from depression and anxiety, and still struggle sometimes with the latter. I did some pretty horrible things in my teenage years as a means of escape, and/or finding love in all the wrong places. His niece Theresa contemplated suicide, but instead took a much darker turn and continued the cycle of dark behavior. She accused many different people, even family members, of sexually abusing her when in fact they did nothing. She would always let it get further and further each time, as she played her dangerous game. The first time, she let the police be called. The second, she allowed a restraining order to be filed and served. The third, she let get all the way to the court room lobby before admitting she had cried wolf once again. This last time, she let it go all the way through a trial. Luckily, the truth came out and an innocent man wasn't convicted as a sex offender for no reason whatsoever. Theresa then somehow became gullible enough to accept Mark's bribery to work against my mother who only ever tried to help her and rescue her from a very dangerous path. Theresa and Mark concocted a plan that involved saying that the children had been abused by the last person that Theresa tried to pull her usual stunts on. This involved CPS conducting an investigation that temporarily separated my siblings from my mom which was a horrible ordeal for all of them. Kiera also had to receive a medical evaluation that was invasive and led to her being traumatized by almost any medical treatment she receives to this day. When this plan backfired, they viciously and vindictively arranged for my siblings to have to leave their beloved schools. My mother was in the process of finding in-district housing when the school district was notified by Theresa on Mark's behalf that the children were currently living out of district. They were forced to leave their classes in the middle of the year and attend a new school that neither of them enjoyed. Mark's mother Linda also fell into the cycle and has somehow been brainwashed into Mark's twisted blaming of my mother. She now actually helps him in his offenses against my mother and siblings...her own grandchildren. With all of the pain that Theresa and Linda have helped to inflict on Kiera and Noah, it is hard for me to remember that they too were victims of a man I truly consider to be evil. Understand here, I have summed up about 23 years of abuse and miscarriages of the justice system in a few short paragraphs. Even still, I am not done with the story.

In the last two years alone, Mark went from paying little and infrequently to nothing at all. He and his new wife (again, a mother...which is truly disgusting to me) have enjoyed money that should have gone toward the bare necessities of my siblings. They vacation, eat out regularly, and even treated themselves to an extra beautiful wedding complete with centerpieces that alone cost hundreds of dollars. They joked and bragged about this on social media for all to see. Mark manipulated his medical insurance to make Noah suffer through a period of croup without needed medication, despite Kiera calling and begging him to help while in tears. He did this as an attack on my mother, knowing that she would find a way to help him...not caring that his own son was a casualty. His mother and him have each sent incredibly manipulative and/or vindictive cards, letters, and gifts. The one time he did see the children in this time frame included so much manipulation and game playing that they have decided they never again want to see him. This was an especially difficult decision for Kiera. She refuses to use her last name wherever possible because she is so ashamed of her father. For example, her cheer team received team jackets. Hers was the only one to have a first name. Actually, both Kiera and Noah have made the decision to shed Mark's name as soon as legally possible because they do not even want to be associated with him to that extent. I truly understand this decision as I deleted my father's name legally at the first chance I had...my eighteenth birthday.

(Kiera refusing to wear the name of her father. She is on the far left, as pictured with her teammates).

Kiera, Noah, and I have been lucky enough to have a wonderful mother who did and does do her very best for us. Still, the invisible scars left on us by our fathers and the people who stood by and did nothing and/or assisted to some degree in our neglect and abuse will never go away. Yet, each time my mother has attempted to get justice not even for herself but on behalf of her children, the only people the court has inevitably catered to is the deadbeat dads and the atrocious accomplices surrounding them. I am not saying that these mediators, counselors, witnesses, and so on were all intentionally causing us harm. I don't believe that. I'm saying that the system itself in many states, including California, New York, and Washington,  is so flawed in its approach to negotiating children's rights and child support that it is too often the mothers and children that get screwed while the so-called fathers get away with hiding in the cracks. Washington's practices concerning this part of the law are so disgustingly difficult that Mark has been able to hide behind them for all these years, 12 to be exact. California helped my father get away with what he did for twenty four years as the standard is for child support to be provided throughout all years of education, including those spent at a university in the early stages of adulthood. That is the problem though. There is no standard that is actually followed. Any precedent is ignored. Instead, the overwhelmed justice systems of each state do what they do best...and that is whatever is easiest so that they can move on down the never-ending pile of cases. Unfortunately, what is easiest is to allow mothers to suffer for the sake of their children, children's innocence to be taken advantage of and their opinions and even pleas to be ignored, and fathers to get away with zero accountability and zero responsibility.


(Despite our fathers, we kids turned out pretty great. Other children are not so lucky.)
[TOP (LEFT TO RIGHT): Noah, myself, and Kiera]
[BOTTOM: Kiera and Noah]

I am calling for a federal standard concerning child abuse, including verbal abuse, and child support regulations. There needs to be a simplified and streamlined process that actually serves the mothers who work too hard and the children who try to learn to get by. The system needs to be made so that it holds accountable every father for the safety and necessities of their children, no matter what state they live in. How can we expect any child to understand the principle of accountability when too many adults find a way to take the easy way out? Furthermore, we must not allow for children to be abused in any form, behind closed doors or not. If we witness, we must report. If we know something, we must do something about it. As adults well-seasoned in the wrongs of this world, it is our duty to protect the children in it. A child's innocence should be preserved for as long as possible. Children should not suffer from depression, anxiety, PTSD, and worse. No parent should be allowed to verbally or physically abuse their child, and certainly not without consequence. However, what good can reporting do if the system has more cracks to slip through than solid ground to stand on? While each citizen of this Earth has a responsibility to stand up for the children they interact with, the system itself must be saved and redeemed into something that actually will work the way it is meant to. The spirit of the laws protecting children can not be fulfilled if the letter of the law is over-complicated, too varied from state to state, and not specifically and plainly laid out. No child left behind should mean no child goes through what my siblings and I did, or worse, and then becomes further victimized when they seek help from the justice system meant to protect them.

Frederick Douglass once said, "It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men." Help build strong children that can heal from the scars of those broken men. How? Report child neglect and abuse of any degree or type. Do not participate in it by any means. If you were victimized by people or by the system, seek help rather than allowing yourself to be caught in destructive cycles and harming those children you could love and fight for instead. Sign my petition for a national system to ensure child support is doled fairly and child abuse is prevented and/or heavily prosecuted (https://www.change.org/p/what-no-child-left-behind-should-really-mean?recruiter=38928071&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=copylink).

Thank you for reading my story, and the story of my siblings. Please share. Please act.






Monday, October 31, 2016

The End and the Beginning

It is time to move on to making this blog what I really want it to be. Therefore, today I intend to finish the remaining prompts on the 30 Day Challenge that turned into a 30 Prompt Challenge because of...well, life. Life and all its unexpected turns, needed extra work, and both ugly and  beautiful distractions.

-Remaining Prompt #1: Five Words or Phrases That Make Me Laugh:
1. "Dobby did not mean to kill; only maim or seriously injure."- said in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
2. "Bitch can see."- said in Pretty Little Liars
3. "Don't you have enough books?"- said by anyone to me (because it is such a silly question)
4. "Hi. I'm Tate. I'm dead. Wanna hook up?"- said in American Horror Story (BONUS: The words Infantata or Croatoan from the same source when said in certain tones by my hilarious husband.)
5. "Cyanide?...As if we'd run out."- said in The Addams Family

-Remaining Prompt #2: Something I'm Currently Worried About
There is so much to be worried about right now: the current state of the presidential election, whether or not I will get into or do well in police academy, possible apocalyptic futures, bills and more bills...but I suppose what is worrying me most overall is time, or the lack there of it. Will I have time to see all the places and things I want to in this great, big world? Will I have time to have children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren? Will there ever be enough time to read all the amazing works of literature, view all the glorious (and not so glorious) films, or make a positive impact on this planet? Will there ever be enough time in a day, a month, a decade, or evem a lifetime? All I can hope for is that there is enough time for a fair share of everything. Even still, the topic of worry ends up getting us nowhere. Worry less; pray more...because at least the praying is productive.

-Remaining Prompt #3: Things I Like and Dislike About Myself
I like that I am feisty. I don't like that I can be quicktempered. I like that I can get lost in a book. I don't like that I sometimes unfairly compare my reality to expertly crafted fiction. I like that I am smart. I don't like when I sound like a know-it-all. Honestly, I could go on and on. However, I am happy to say that I generally and genuinenly like myself, all oddities and imperfections included. If at the end of the day, I can say I'm doing a little better than I was  yesterday, then great.

-Remaining Prompt #4: A Quote I Try to Live By
Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." I try to live by this quote, because I do believe in the beauty of my dreams. I believe in doing things simply because they make me happy. I believe I have a purpose here on this Earth, and that I know what it is. I dream of having multiple successful ventures: justice and law enforcement, becoming a mother, and even capturing others' precious moments with a camera and a vision. I believe in using my talents, big or small, to help myself and others create a more beautiful future. The future, or at least my future, really does belong to me and that makes it my responsibility to determine. I choose to determine by dreams and faith, rather than by paychecks or societal norms.


-Remaining Prompt #5: Somewhere I'd Like to Visit or Move to
There are so many places I would like to visit or re-visit: Boston, New York, the Bahamas, Greece, Rome, England, Germany...I truly do have a wanderer's heart. Still, there is one special place I would like to visit and that is Ireland. My husband and I are both very fond of our Irish roots, and dreamily discuss retiring to the snake-free and green land. We would love nothing more than a quiet cottage in Ireland with lots of land for lots of dogs.

-Remaining Prompt #6: Five Weird Things I Like
1. I like the taste of dill pickles and animal crackers together.
2. I like when horror and comedy mix genres, like on the show Scream Queens or American Horror Story.
3. I like the smell of old books and gasoline, but never together.
4. I like to study true crime, even the really gruesome stuff.
5. I like to discover new paranormal takes on things like vampires and witches... the more original, the better.

-Remaining Prompt #7: One Thing I'm Excited For
I am excited for the holidays! This will be my first Thanksgiving and Christmas with my side of the family and my husband in YEARS. I am excited for all the traditions, both old and new. I am excited to see what Pittsburgh has to offer this time of year. I am excited to cook for everyone, buy presents, and decorate together. With that expressed, I wish you all a happy Halloween and bid you goodnight.

Monday, October 3, 2016

What I Miss

What I miss are the types of things all people miss: childhood memories, lost loved ones, and places long ago visited. I miss rollerblading around Victory Park with my mom, cooking holiday meals in my great grandmother's amazingly tiny kitchen, and playing outside with the neighborhood kids. I miss the people who were once my best friends, and now only a memory or an occasional email conversation. I miss reading books I love for the very first time, like the Harry Potter series or even Nancy Drew. I miss anxiously awaiting the arrival of my younger siblings, and wondering what they would be like. I miss the experience of falling in love. I miss my childhood days, my high school days, and my college days. I miss thinking I knew everything, and I also miss the first time I realized I didn't. I miss all of the amazing moments that I have had in my life, and every milestone along the way, that I would go back to if given the opportunity to travel through time. I miss all the things those people who are wiser and older than me told me I would.

The question remains though: What can be done by missing someone, something or somewhere? If we're lucky, the answer is that we are inspired to do something about it. If you miss someone, reach out to them. If you miss a place, go there. Fall in love again (if you're married, you can get creative with your spouse and engage in some cutesy courtship...don't feel left out). Remember to live in each moment, because you will probably miss it later. Do it all again and again- there is no expiration date, no maximum or minimum usage, and no restrictions which apply. No, not when it comes to life and all the moments that it consists of.

Monday, September 12, 2016

My Academics

Socrates once said, "The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing." It is true that the more I learn, the more I realize there will always be more to learn. Still, my academics are very important to me, and always have been. When I was a child in elementary school, I prided myself on Good Citizenship, Excellent Attendance, and Academic Achievement awards. I apparently even played teacher with the other neighborhood kids, doling out report cards to their parents. In elementary school, I also started playing the flute, something I associate with my academics because I think music should be forever linked with schooling. I have always loved to read, and was known for consuming whole books in a day as I read in my great grandmother's backyard. My favorite series were "A Series of Unfortunate Events", "Harry Potter", "Goosebumps", and the Nancy Drew mysteries.

The teenage years for me were this mad dash to get as many accomplishments in as possible. I maintained a high GPA, volunteered and performed hours of charity work, participated and held leadership roles in Speech and Debate/Swimming/Teens Against Tobacco Use/Students Against Destructive Decisions/etc., made sure to get certifications in everything like CPR and First Aid, and took my stab at journalism as a writer for the school paper. During this time, I became the youngest person in Washington to create a School Walk for Diabetes event for the American Diabetes Association. In the end, I graduated with Honors, a scholarship, and an acceptance to Brigham Young University-Idaho. I also was listed as a National High School Scholar.

I spent one semester at BYU-I before I took two years off to help in the care of my siblings when my mother became a traveling nurse. I use the phrase "two years off" lightly, because they were a productive two years. I got married, homeschooled my siblings, and learned a lot of life skills like bill paying, business call making, and both money and time budgeting. I came back to BYU-I in 2013 and studied according to a major of Sociology with emphases in Home and Family Studies, Psychology, and Criminology. I had the opportunity to take amazing classes, have inspiring professors, and learn so much! This July, I graduated with my Bachelor's degree and a certificate in Criminology.. In my time at BYU-I, I  served in various leadership roles including BYU-I Sociology Society President (working my way through Treasurer, Activities Coordinator, and VP first) and Student Director of Safety. I also worked with the Parking Appeals Committee and the Academic Advising Center.

While my formal education may be done for now, I plan to attend the police academy soon. I am currently studying and honing skills in photography. I study the scriptures on a regular basis. I'm even learning all there is to know about cheerleading as I am helping coach my sister's squad. I love to have debates with my friends, and learn more and more about politics (this is prevalent now in this election year.). I am not done learning, and I never will be, any more than I am done loving or living. Hopefully, neither are any of you reading this.

As Nelson Mandela said, "a good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination."

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

What I Hope My Future is Like

I've seen my goals in life achieved and my dreams come true: getting a baby sister and then a baby brother, high school graduation, fancy  prom night, seeing New York City, a wonderful wedding, a great marriage, a puppy of our own and so much more. Now, in about a month, I will graduate from my university. Therefore, what I hope my future is like is based on my goals and dreams, and my faith that they will come to be.  

I hope I always consider myself to be best friends with my husband. 

I hope we have children that grow up healthy and strong, intelligent and kind...

I hope we have lots of dogs and cats and ferretts. Pets galore! 

I hope we have a beautiful home, all customized to our tastes. 

I hope we travel, especially to London, Ireland and Germany. 

I hope we both find careers in the fields that we love and remain happy in them for years.

I hope we go to Disney World, school reunions, and out camping.

I hope we make many lifelong friends, and keep those we have now.

I hope we only continue to grow closer with our family.

I hope we never have to live a moment without the other. 

I hope for so many wonderful things, and I know some too.

I know we will be together forever through all eternity. I know I will get to meet God and Jesus Christ someday. I know, no matter what, there will be laughter and tears and love aplenty throughout our lives. 

I hope I never stop appreciating everything, loving fully, and finding ways to be kind in an unkind world. 

I hope. I love. I dream.... And I know that will never change. 

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

My Fears

I have the same fears a lot of people do, for the most part. I'm afraid of being alone in life, of the dark after watching a scary movie, of things that can eat and/or kill me, of being the victim of a crime, of death even though I know I shouldn't be, and so on. There are things we all fear but hopefully that fear becomes a motivation to truly live.

There is one fear I have though that I will admit has crossed the line into ridiculous, and that is because it is an irrational fear. In other words, according to the psychological definitions, I have a phobia. It is what is known as a specific phobia, and mine is about snakes. I am truly terrified of snakes. I put a toilet lock in my bathroom after watching the Facebook video that went around of snakes coming out of the toilet. If I have a nightmare about snakes, my husband has to check the entire house to convince me there's not one hiding to get me. If I see a picture or a video or even hear a snake-like sound, I could have a panic attack but at the very least, I am startled and have a bodily reaction similar to the beginning stages of fight or flight. I avoid whole sections of zoos, pet stores, and even the outdoors. Some of my favorite books and movies, like the Harry Potter series for example, have scenes that need to be watched or read through my fingers covering my face...if they're not skipped entirely. I have a very hard time walking alone at night because I can see a twig that m brain tells me is a snake...and the next thing you know I'm running my fastest mile ever. You would really be surprised how much the nasty little buggers show up: on Facebook, in movie trailers when I go to the theater, on billboards, on every TV show ever eventually, etc. If I do have a phobic attack, my nervous system initiates my fight, flight, or freeze response. This is draining and exhausting to my body and leaves me with general anxiety for hours afterward.

About a year ago, I had a horrible nightmare about my phobia. I was hiking with my future children (don't ask me how I know they were my future children...that's just what my brain told me). We come across a large rattle snake ahead on the path. I turn and run, leaving my children behind and at the mercy of a poisonous, lethal animal. When I woke up, I was more bothered by my phobia than ever. How could I, even subconsciously/unconsciously allow a fear to control me and even overpower my maternal instincts? How could I leave any child, but especially my children, in despair? I finally decided to get help. That was when I started exposure therapy, which is a progressive process of confronting your fear. I started out with things like saying the word "snake" over and over until it sounded like nonsense. Yes, I was to the point of being afraid of the word, and would become terrified when people discussed the subject to any degree. Now, I am to the point of watching movies that have snakes and making myself watch. I also make myself look at snakes in the zoo and pet stores, so long as they are in a cage and separated from me. I am so grateful for the progress I have been able to make, to my husband/friends/family for being so supportive and understanding, and to my amazing therapist. My school provides free therapy for students, and I will forever be thankful for this wonderful service. The best part of my therapy was actually during our first session. He said, "How wonderful is it that God gave you that dream so you could change before your children even get here?" Since then, I have had a good perspective about that dream and conquering my phobia overall. While I am not completely cured, I know I will be. I will never want a snake as a pet. I will always have a healthy fear of snakes, as they are lethal. I will not, however, leave my children or anyone I love because I am afraid. I will not be prevented from living my life the way I want to. I will take my siblings to zoos. I will go to the pet store with my husband without cutting off the circulation in his hand as we pass the terrariums. I will not let my fear control me.

Of course, this is all very personal so why am I sharing it on my very visible blog? For two reasons. One, if you have a phobia, I want you to know that you can beat it. Yes, it will be terrifying. Yes, the therapeutic process is really hard....but you can do it, and it will be worth it. Two, if you know and love someone with a phobia, try very hard to be supportive and not belittling. I can't tell you how small I have felt when people tell me my phobia is stupid, that I just need to grow up, or that I'm a wimp. I can't tell you how angry it makes me when a "friend" chooses to terrify me by texting me a picture of a snake, making snake sounds through my open window, or even trying to force me to touch a snake in person by inhibiting my control of my body. This is not okay behavior. You are causing more emotional damage, and even physical damage, than you realize. Even if you don't understand, try to learn or at least to be supportive. Phobias and mental illnesses in general are real and really do impact one's life, even if you can't see them. Please don't make your loved one's problem worse. If you wouldn't tell them their cancer is stupid, don't tell them their phobia is. If you wouldn't expect them to just get over a gunshot wound, don't expect them to just get over their depression. If you wouldn't punch their broken arm, don't shove the source of their anxiety in their face. If you would do any of that...I'll pray for you because you clearly need prison and probably involuntary commitment.

The answer is simple. If you understand, great! Even if you don't, be kind. That's all it takes to go from twisting the knife in their wound to helping them heal.

Saturday, May 21, 2016

Five Things I Lust After

5. Chocolate- there are just some days where only a Herhsey bar will do the trick. Now, I'm no Anna or Elsa but I do get some crazy chocolate cravings every once in a while. My two favorite chocolate treats are Ritter butter biscuit with milk chocolate (German like me 😀) and Hershey's Symphony. I love milk and dark chocolate but am not a huge fan of white chocolate. Oh, also once a month (you know when), I firmly believe there are dementors in me that can only be staved off by c-h-o-c-o-l-a-t-e.

4. Other Foods- I love food from all kinds of cultures and styles. My favorite food is green bean casserole. My favorite type of food is probably a tie between Italian, Mexican and Chinese. I love everything from cheap, nostaglic foods like PB&J sandwiches to fancy delights like fondue.

3. Movies/Board Games/Books- If I can find it at Barnes and Noble, most of the time I want it. I love to read and get lost in a good story; I love the classic fun of board games with your friends and family especially when it's double fun like during a blackout; Finally, sometimes there is nothing that beats curling up on the couch to watch a really great movie. I love all kinds of books from all kinds of different authors and genres. It's very hard to pick a favorite book...I love so many. The enduring favorite has been the Harry Potter series, though. My favorite board game changes a lot, depending on my mood and what we've been playing lately. My current favorite is Curses; my enduring favorite is Scattergories. My favorite movie is pretty hard to pin down too, but I usually say one of my top 5: The Boondock Saints, The Princess Bride, Avengers, The Little Mermaid, or Titanic (in no particular order and prone to substitution).

2. All things Nerdy- Harry Potter scarves and replica wands? City of Bones temporary rune tattoos and collector's editions? Hunger Games pajamas and Mockingjay jewelry? Star Wars sheets and his/her hand towels? Disney EVERYTHING? Gotta have 'em. I love all things nerdy from the original creations as far as books or movies, to gatherings like Comic Con, to all the amazing gear and novelty items, to the opportunity to visit scenes straight from the pages or the film strips.

1. TIME- More time for family. More time for crafts. More time to read. More time to serve. As much as I love sleep, I wish I didn't need it. There are always too many things to do and not enough hours in the day. However, with each day we try harder, I know God blesses us in ways we will never understand and not according to a 24-hour-cycle.