Wow...isn't this a loaded blog post? Let me start by saying that I believe all people are beautiful, no matter their size or what they look like, because I honestly believe beauty comes from within. On that note, I will begin.
Ever since I was a little girl, I have had these weird transitions between being very skinny and then chubby. When I was a child and a teenager, I was very active. I played every sport that I could: basketball, teeball and softball, soccer, etc. In high school, I swam on the junior varsity team. That meant, every day I was in the pool kicking my butt off for at least 3 hours. When my life shifted in my junior year, I gave up all my physical activities to better pursue my service activities. I was essentially volunteering full time, especially with the American Diabetes Association. Between school, volunteering and membership in various clubs, I lost the time I had to exercise and be physically fit. I slowly began to gain weight and by the end of my senior year, I had taken part in some scary things to try to stay thin. I took diet pills, went on crash diets and more...all because I lived in a town where if you weren't rich, skinny or pretty...you weren't popular. At least, that's how I perceived it at the time. I hated the girls who were skinnier and prettier than me, and in a completely unfair way, I judged them based off of their looks because I assumed they were doing the same to me. Now, I see that my high school was less cliquey than most...and that most of my insecurities came from me, guys I dated that I now know weren't worth my time, or sometimes unfortunately my family members...no matter how good their intentions were.
Now, I am twenty three years old. I don't love my body but I accept it and I am working with it, instead of for or against it. I am comfortable enough with myself and the way I look, because I understand that who I am matters a lot more than what I see in the mirror...something I never really understood until recently. What changed? Well, a few things actually. Until I was about 22, I continued yo-yo dieting. If I worked out, I didn't do it consistently but I did it to the point of exhaustion or injury as a reaction to seeing something I hated about my body that day. When my doctor diagnosed me with pre-diabetes though, something I should have known better than to lead myself to thanks to my time volunteering with the ADA, I realized it was time to change. Early this year, I joined a program with the school called The Biggest Winner (loosely based on the TV show, The Biggest Loser but without all the bad stuff like forced smoking, starvation, etc.). I was really committed but unfortunately got injured early in the program and was never able to get what I wanted out of it. However, I did learn some valuable knowledge about nutrition and fitness that I will use for the rest of my life. Finally, I heard about this nutrition plan called Trim Healthy Mama, and this health company called Beachbody. I will spare the details unless you want them (if so, message me), but these programs really have started transitioning me into a healthy lifestyle. I now know that health is about the journey and all through life. Temporary diets and crazy boot camps can only do so much good, if you don't learn to maintain it and more realistically. More importantly, I learned that I want to be healthy for more important reasons than being thin, like sticking around for my husband and future children. Finally, thanks to the help of my Beachbody coach and cousin through Parker's side of the family, I finally learned something that could have helped a lot in high school. I was judging myself for my size and my body defects a lot more than anyone else was. At first, I looked at this woman like "How the heck is she still so fit when she's pregnant?". I will admit that I was a tad bit uncomfortable to share my weight and other statistics with someone who looked pretty perfect on Facebook. However, I learned that she is one of the nicest and most helpful people I have ever had contact with...especially contact about my body. I am learning now more than ever not to judge a book by its cover, because she sure didn't judge me and has continued to help me in my journey.
Also, on a brief note, I want to stress the importance of surrounding yourself with people who love you for you. My husband doesn't care what size my clothes are, or that I have lovehandles. My body isn't what he loves me for, although he'll tell you he still thinks I'm the most beautiful person in the world inside and out. My real friends don't care what I weigh. They're not my friends because of a number on a scale or clothing rack. Real relationships are not perceptive of looks...only on what's in your heart and soul. So if you're dating someone or friends with people, like I was in the past, who makes you feel like you're less of a person based on some outward characteristic, dump them faster than a load at the local Goodwill...because they are not worth your self-esteem or the love you have for yourself.
For an added bonus, check out the song "Try" by Colbie Caillat. It has certainly gotten me through some tough moments and some harsh self-criticism. This particular video is a clip from Dancing with the Stars that brought me to tears with the beauty of the dance and the dancer's exposed emotions:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocZs-rUfCgg.
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