I have the same fears a lot of people do, for the most part. I'm afraid of being alone in life, of the dark after watching a scary movie, of things that can eat and/or kill me, of being the victim of a crime, of death even though I know I shouldn't be, and so on. There are things we all fear but hopefully that fear becomes a motivation to truly live.
There is one fear I have though that I will admit has crossed the line into ridiculous, and that is because it is an irrational fear. In other words, according to the psychological definitions, I have a phobia. It is what is known as a specific phobia, and mine is about snakes. I am truly terrified of snakes. I put a toilet lock in my bathroom after watching the Facebook video that went around of snakes coming out of the toilet. If I have a nightmare about snakes, my husband has to check the entire house to convince me there's not one hiding to get me. If I see a picture or a video or even hear a snake-like sound, I could have a panic attack but at the very least, I am startled and have a bodily reaction similar to the beginning stages of fight or flight. I avoid whole sections of zoos, pet stores, and even the outdoors. Some of my favorite books and movies, like the Harry Potter series for example, have scenes that need to be watched or read through my fingers covering my face...if they're not skipped entirely. I have a very hard time walking alone at night because I can see a twig that m brain tells me is a snake...and the next thing you know I'm running my fastest mile ever. You would really be surprised how much the nasty little buggers show up: on Facebook, in movie trailers when I go to the theater, on billboards, on every TV show ever eventually, etc. If I do have a phobic attack, my nervous system initiates my fight, flight, or freeze response. This is draining and exhausting to my body and leaves me with general anxiety for hours afterward.
About a year ago, I had a horrible nightmare about my phobia. I was hiking with my future children (don't ask me how I know they were my future children...that's just what my brain told me). We come across a large rattle snake ahead on the path. I turn and run, leaving my children behind and at the mercy of a poisonous, lethal animal. When I woke up, I was more bothered by my phobia than ever. How could I, even subconsciously/unconsciously allow a fear to control me and even overpower my maternal instincts? How could I leave any child, but especially my children, in despair? I finally decided to get help. That was when I started exposure therapy, which is a progressive process of confronting your fear. I started out with things like saying the word "snake" over and over until it sounded like nonsense. Yes, I was to the point of being afraid of the word, and would become terrified when people discussed the subject to any degree. Now, I am to the point of watching movies that have snakes and making myself watch. I also make myself look at snakes in the zoo and pet stores, so long as they are in a cage and separated from me. I am so grateful for the progress I have been able to make, to my husband/friends/family for being so supportive and understanding, and to my amazing therapist. My school provides free therapy for students, and I will forever be thankful for this wonderful service. The best part of my therapy was actually during our first session. He said, "How wonderful is it that God gave you that dream so you could change before your children even get here?" Since then, I have had a good perspective about that dream and conquering my phobia overall. While I am not completely cured, I know I will be. I will never want a snake as a pet. I will always have a healthy fear of snakes, as they are lethal. I will not, however, leave my children or anyone I love because I am afraid. I will not be prevented from living my life the way I want to. I will take my siblings to zoos. I will go to the pet store with my husband without cutting off the circulation in his hand as we pass the terrariums. I will not let my fear control me.
Of course, this is all very personal so why am I sharing it on my very visible blog? For two reasons. One, if you have a phobia, I want you to know that you can beat it. Yes, it will be terrifying. Yes, the therapeutic process is really hard....but you can do it, and it will be worth it. Two, if you know and love someone with a phobia, try very hard to be supportive and not belittling. I can't tell you how small I have felt when people tell me my phobia is stupid, that I just need to grow up, or that I'm a wimp. I can't tell you how angry it makes me when a "friend" chooses to terrify me by texting me a picture of a snake, making snake sounds through my open window, or even trying to force me to touch a snake in person by inhibiting my control of my body. This is not okay behavior. You are causing more emotional damage, and even physical damage, than you realize. Even if you don't understand, try to learn or at least to be supportive. Phobias and mental illnesses in general are real and really do impact one's life, even if you can't see them. Please don't make your loved one's problem worse. If you wouldn't tell them their cancer is stupid, don't tell them their phobia is. If you wouldn't expect them to just get over a gunshot wound, don't expect them to just get over their depression. If you wouldn't punch their broken arm, don't shove the source of their anxiety in their face. If you would do any of that...I'll pray for you because you clearly need prison and probably involuntary commitment.
The answer is simple. If you understand, great! Even if you don't, be kind. That's all it takes to go from twisting the knife in their wound to helping them heal.
Wednesday, June 1, 2016
Saturday, May 21, 2016
Five Things I Lust After
5. Chocolate- there are just some days where only a Herhsey bar will do the trick. Now, I'm no Anna or Elsa but I do get some crazy chocolate cravings every once in a while. My two favorite chocolate treats are Ritter butter biscuit with milk chocolate (German like me 😀) and Hershey's Symphony. I love milk and dark chocolate but am not a huge fan of white chocolate. Oh, also once a month (you know when), I firmly believe there are dementors in me that can only be staved off by c-h-o-c-o-l-a-t-e.
4. Other Foods- I love food from all kinds of cultures and styles. My favorite food is green bean casserole. My favorite type of food is probably a tie between Italian, Mexican and Chinese. I love everything from cheap, nostaglic foods like PB&J sandwiches to fancy delights like fondue.
3. Movies/Board Games/Books- If I can find it at Barnes and Noble, most of the time I want it. I love to read and get lost in a good story; I love the classic fun of board games with your friends and family especially when it's double fun like during a blackout; Finally, sometimes there is nothing that beats curling up on the couch to watch a really great movie. I love all kinds of books from all kinds of different authors and genres. It's very hard to pick a favorite book...I love so many. The enduring favorite has been the Harry Potter series, though. My favorite board game changes a lot, depending on my mood and what we've been playing lately. My current favorite is Curses; my enduring favorite is Scattergories. My favorite movie is pretty hard to pin down too, but I usually say one of my top 5: The Boondock Saints, The Princess Bride, Avengers, The Little Mermaid, or Titanic (in no particular order and prone to substitution).
2. All things Nerdy- Harry Potter scarves and replica wands? City of Bones temporary rune tattoos and collector's editions? Hunger Games pajamas and Mockingjay jewelry? Star Wars sheets and his/her hand towels? Disney EVERYTHING? Gotta have 'em. I love all things nerdy from the original creations as far as books or movies, to gatherings like Comic Con, to all the amazing gear and novelty items, to the opportunity to visit scenes straight from the pages or the film strips.
1. TIME- More time for family. More time for crafts. More time to read. More time to serve. As much as I love sleep, I wish I didn't need it. There are always too many things to do and not enough hours in the day. However, with each day we try harder, I know God blesses us in ways we will never understand and not according to a 24-hour-cycle.
4. Other Foods- I love food from all kinds of cultures and styles. My favorite food is green bean casserole. My favorite type of food is probably a tie between Italian, Mexican and Chinese. I love everything from cheap, nostaglic foods like PB&J sandwiches to fancy delights like fondue.
3. Movies/Board Games/Books- If I can find it at Barnes and Noble, most of the time I want it. I love to read and get lost in a good story; I love the classic fun of board games with your friends and family especially when it's double fun like during a blackout; Finally, sometimes there is nothing that beats curling up on the couch to watch a really great movie. I love all kinds of books from all kinds of different authors and genres. It's very hard to pick a favorite book...I love so many. The enduring favorite has been the Harry Potter series, though. My favorite board game changes a lot, depending on my mood and what we've been playing lately. My current favorite is Curses; my enduring favorite is Scattergories. My favorite movie is pretty hard to pin down too, but I usually say one of my top 5: The Boondock Saints, The Princess Bride, Avengers, The Little Mermaid, or Titanic (in no particular order and prone to substitution).
2. All things Nerdy- Harry Potter scarves and replica wands? City of Bones temporary rune tattoos and collector's editions? Hunger Games pajamas and Mockingjay jewelry? Star Wars sheets and his/her hand towels? Disney EVERYTHING? Gotta have 'em. I love all things nerdy from the original creations as far as books or movies, to gatherings like Comic Con, to all the amazing gear and novelty items, to the opportunity to visit scenes straight from the pages or the film strips.
1. TIME- More time for family. More time for crafts. More time to read. More time to serve. As much as I love sleep, I wish I didn't need it. There are always too many things to do and not enough hours in the day. However, with each day we try harder, I know God blesses us in ways we will never understand and not according to a 24-hour-cycle.
Tuesday, May 3, 2016
A Problem That I Have Had
I try really hard not to air my dirty laundry on the internet so I'm going to try to be funny about a problem I have had. We'll see how that goes!
So here goes. I have a serious...book problem. I love to read, even though I never have time to (well, for fun anyway). I read every time I can, and love curling up on the couch or in my bed with a good book and a cup of tea. I claim allegiance to no particular genre or author. I do have my favorites, like Young Adult Fiction/True Crime or Catherine Coulter/Jim Butcher, but I try to never say no lest I miss the best book of my life in some unexpected section of the library or bookstore. Speaking of bookstores, you know how some women joke to not let them near shoes with their credit card? Don't let me near Barnes&Noble, or any bookstore for that matter. I've already gathered quite the selection in my collection (hey, that rhymed!) but there will never be a number that is too many books to own. I even prefer audiobooks to the radio in the car, especially on long drives. I have a never-ending list called "Books to Read" and several related Pinterest boards. Every Facebook post ever mocking bookworms has applied to me, word for word. I even get slightly agitated when people claim to be a fan of Hunger Games, Harry Potter, Divergent, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Gone With the Wind (or any title ever, really) based simply on watching the movie/s. You are no true fan until you see that material in its true form: the book. I do love when people write books based on movies or TV shows, too. Not to be a hypocrite, I refuse to see a movie based on a book until I read the book. I'm quite the sucker for all merchandise related to my favorite books. If Parker wouldn't stop me every once in a while, we'd look like hoarders. I could go on and on, but that could make this blog post a book in itself.
So, instead, I will close with a polite no thank you to your suggestions for seeking help, such as self-medicating with Netflix. You see, if I have to have a "problem" with anything, I'd like for it to be books. What other "problem" makes you smarter, takes you to other worlds without the cost of airfare or the discovery of time/space travel, AND helps you find the soul of so many "characters" and the lessons therein all the time? I not only have my friends and my family...I've got my fandoms.
And she lived happily ever after in a home ever smelling of books, THE END.
So here goes. I have a serious...book problem. I love to read, even though I never have time to (well, for fun anyway). I read every time I can, and love curling up on the couch or in my bed with a good book and a cup of tea. I claim allegiance to no particular genre or author. I do have my favorites, like Young Adult Fiction/True Crime or Catherine Coulter/Jim Butcher, but I try to never say no lest I miss the best book of my life in some unexpected section of the library or bookstore. Speaking of bookstores, you know how some women joke to not let them near shoes with their credit card? Don't let me near Barnes&Noble, or any bookstore for that matter. I've already gathered quite the selection in my collection (hey, that rhymed!) but there will never be a number that is too many books to own. I even prefer audiobooks to the radio in the car, especially on long drives. I have a never-ending list called "Books to Read" and several related Pinterest boards. Every Facebook post ever mocking bookworms has applied to me, word for word. I even get slightly agitated when people claim to be a fan of Hunger Games, Harry Potter, Divergent, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Gone With the Wind (or any title ever, really) based simply on watching the movie/s. You are no true fan until you see that material in its true form: the book. I do love when people write books based on movies or TV shows, too. Not to be a hypocrite, I refuse to see a movie based on a book until I read the book. I'm quite the sucker for all merchandise related to my favorite books. If Parker wouldn't stop me every once in a while, we'd look like hoarders. I could go on and on, but that could make this blog post a book in itself.
So, instead, I will close with a polite no thank you to your suggestions for seeking help, such as self-medicating with Netflix. You see, if I have to have a "problem" with anything, I'd like for it to be books. What other "problem" makes you smarter, takes you to other worlds without the cost of airfare or the discovery of time/space travel, AND helps you find the soul of so many "characters" and the lessons therein all the time? I not only have my friends and my family...I've got my fandoms.
And she lived happily ever after in a home ever smelling of books, THE END.
Monday, March 14, 2016
Something That I'm Proud Of
Wow, it has been such a long time since I found the time to blog! Let's just say college can get crazy busy, especially in your senior year. I decided it was time for a little "me" time though and thus I chose to complete a writing challenge. As is made totally obvious by the title, this blog post is supposed to focus on something I'm proud of. That's really hard. I am proud of so many things. First off, let me specify that when I say proud, I don't mean in the nasty sense of pride that gets in the way of love, serving others, etc. I mean, I'm proud of things and people in a way that means I admire them for what they do and are, that I respect them fully, and celebrate their success.
That being said, I am proud of my friends for their many accomplishments both personally and for their families, I am proud of my godchildren for just being them, I am proud of my siblings for being so smart and so talented and so many other wonderful things, I am proud of my mom for her diligence and other things too of course, I am proud of my country and those who serve it everyday. I am proud of those in my life who have had the strength to endure their trials and who chose to be better instead of bitter, I am proud of my family in general because despite being a bit nutty, they are my family and I love them.I am proud of my favorite musicians, artists, authors, directors, actors and so on for inspiring me and the masses alike. I am proud of my husband for almost being done with college, for improving his talent in art, and for being a good man. I am proud of my religion for doing all the service it does and instilling so much faith in the world. I am proud of my Heavenly Father, and would never deny Him as I have in the past. I am proud of my dog for knowing basic commands, a ton of tricks and for being so dang smart.
See? That's a lot to choose from. However, since it's St. Patrick's Day this week and since I am on this self-love journey...I also want to say I am proud of me. I am proud to be Irish in all senses of the word, but I am also proud of my overall heritage and family history. It may not be perfect but whose is? Still, I know I wouldn't trade my background because it's made me who I am. I am proud to be a Gallegher and a Nelson. I am proud to have a strong sense of justice, and a desire to serve whatever community I may live in as a law enforcement officer. I am proud to be a Mormon. I am proud to be a wife. I am proud to be a friend, a daughter, a granddaughter, a niece, or whatever I am to you because it means that I am something to you and I get to be in your life. I am proud to be loud, which I guess speaks back to my Portuguese heritage and crazy family. I am proud to value my intelligence, how I can serve others, and my self-worth. I am proud to be a nerd, a lover of Harry Potter and the like. I am proud to identify with such strong female leads in almost every story I read. I am proud to be me and you should be proud to be you. Being proud of yourself, at least in my eyes, doesn't mean being prideful. It means recognizing who you are in the eyes of God, seeing yourself as a light and being comfortable in your own, imperfect skin. It means seeing all of that and loving yourself so that you have the capability to love and serve those around you.
"Today, you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!" That's definitely the truth, Dr. Seuss. Honestly, I'm glad it is because the world would be a lot less bright if anyone reading this blog post didn't provide their "you" to it. Be you, be proud of it, and then save the world. No biggie.
That being said, I am proud of my friends for their many accomplishments both personally and for their families, I am proud of my godchildren for just being them, I am proud of my siblings for being so smart and so talented and so many other wonderful things, I am proud of my mom for her diligence and other things too of course, I am proud of my country and those who serve it everyday. I am proud of those in my life who have had the strength to endure their trials and who chose to be better instead of bitter, I am proud of my family in general because despite being a bit nutty, they are my family and I love them.I am proud of my favorite musicians, artists, authors, directors, actors and so on for inspiring me and the masses alike. I am proud of my husband for almost being done with college, for improving his talent in art, and for being a good man. I am proud of my religion for doing all the service it does and instilling so much faith in the world. I am proud of my Heavenly Father, and would never deny Him as I have in the past. I am proud of my dog for knowing basic commands, a ton of tricks and for being so dang smart.
See? That's a lot to choose from. However, since it's St. Patrick's Day this week and since I am on this self-love journey...I also want to say I am proud of me. I am proud to be Irish in all senses of the word, but I am also proud of my overall heritage and family history. It may not be perfect but whose is? Still, I know I wouldn't trade my background because it's made me who I am. I am proud to be a Gallegher and a Nelson. I am proud to have a strong sense of justice, and a desire to serve whatever community I may live in as a law enforcement officer. I am proud to be a Mormon. I am proud to be a wife. I am proud to be a friend, a daughter, a granddaughter, a niece, or whatever I am to you because it means that I am something to you and I get to be in your life. I am proud to be loud, which I guess speaks back to my Portuguese heritage and crazy family. I am proud to value my intelligence, how I can serve others, and my self-worth. I am proud to be a nerd, a lover of Harry Potter and the like. I am proud to identify with such strong female leads in almost every story I read. I am proud to be me and you should be proud to be you. Being proud of yourself, at least in my eyes, doesn't mean being prideful. It means recognizing who you are in the eyes of God, seeing yourself as a light and being comfortable in your own, imperfect skin. It means seeing all of that and loving yourself so that you have the capability to love and serve those around you.
"Today, you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!" That's definitely the truth, Dr. Seuss. Honestly, I'm glad it is because the world would be a lot less bright if anyone reading this blog post didn't provide their "you" to it. Be you, be proud of it, and then save the world. No biggie.
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
Something I Always Think "What If" About
""What" and "If" are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life." That quote is from a very good movie, called "Letters to Juliet." It has always stayed with me as a powerful testament to the truth of regrets and missed opportunities. I have never been immune to these words plaguing my inner most thoughts and dreams. What if I don't make it? What if he doesn't love me? What if I hadn't done that awful thing once upon a horrible time? Above all, something I always think "what if" about is a sort of inception. I think and wonder: what if I live my whole life and in the end only can say what if? I want to live a life where every opportunity is explored, where no rock has been left unturned, where I understand that every mistake is a part of who I am for good and bad. Another favorite movie quote will sum up my meaning best. "I don't believe in mistakes. It's the mistakes that make us who we are." That one is from "This Means War." All in all, do I sometimes fall victim to those haunting words? Yes. Do I intend to have a haunted life because of them? No. Trust in God. Trust in love. Trust that every past horror has made you stronger and every future worry will be okay in one way or another...then and only then can you be free from the stripping powers of "what if".
Friday, November 27, 2015
Writing Challenge: My Zodiac and If I Think It Fits Me
My zodiac sign is an Aquarius, and it is symbolized by the water bearer. I know that Aquarius people are supposed to be smart and fiery. That's honestly about all I knew off the top of my head so I did some research, which was actually really interesting. Apparently, Aquarius people are incredibly philanthropic, interested in society and very fond of connection with friends and family. How nifty! Wouldn't you know that I am a Sociology major, want to be a cop, love doing service and have always been involved in some form of it ever since I was a little girl, and even that I am quite the social butterfly who is very protective of the people she loves? While I suppose all of these things sum me up to a certain degree, it's hard to say for certain how much I buy into the whole Zodiac thing as it is defined according to astrology.
I do believe that certain people have certain qualities that they were meant to be born with or develop in their life. What I don't know is if I believe that it has anything to do with what time of year we are born or what planets were in line, etc. If I do, it is only because I believe God intended for us to be born at the time that we were and under all of the conditions, universally or otherwise, that we were. So do I believe in my Zodiac? I would say to a certain extent, yes, but my fate and purpose goes far beyond the stars.
If you are interested to learn more about Aquarius people or your sign, feel free to investigate this link: http://www.astrology.com/.
I do believe that certain people have certain qualities that they were meant to be born with or develop in their life. What I don't know is if I believe that it has anything to do with what time of year we are born or what planets were in line, etc. If I do, it is only because I believe God intended for us to be born at the time that we were and under all of the conditions, universally or otherwise, that we were. So do I believe in my Zodiac? I would say to a certain extent, yes, but my fate and purpose goes far beyond the stars.
If you are interested to learn more about Aquarius people or your sign, feel free to investigate this link: http://www.astrology.com/.
Monday, November 23, 2015
Pinterest Writing Challenge: What I Wore Today
Again, Pinterest has given me another prompt that I deem silly. That being said, I will take some creative liberty as I usually do.
So what did I wear today, Pinterest or people of the internet? Well, I wore bags and dark circles under my eyes as I woke up to work the graveyard shift at my job. I wore my work uniform to the place where I help protect the people of BYU-I, and also earn money to help support my family. I wore a smile as my dog climbed into my arms this morning for five minutes of snuggling after I pressed snooze. I wore a content look on my face because my husband took the time to fold laundry and do some chores while I slept so that it was one less thing for us to worry about. I wore a furrowed brow as I concentrated on my homework and to-do list items...all in the hopes that I'd have more time to spend with my family and friends today. I wore something comfortable along with tennis shoes so that I can attend to the variety of my day, from checking on my society's canned food drive to attending my sociology class. I wore the armor of God, as I have faith in him and how he impacts every second of my day. I wore a frown as I consider and pray for the people around the world amidst the many conflicts of today.
Most of all and most frequently throughout the day, I wore something special: my gratitude.
I am thankful to have a job, even if I have to work graveyards...it gives me experience and keeps my family financially secure. I am thankful for my husband, my puppy, our families and our friends...for their love, for their support, for their companionship, for so much it's impossible to explain it all. I'm grateful to attend a university and to be almost done with earning my Sociology degree. I am grateful for my faith and the support of God and Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost. I am thankful that despite all the evils and conflicts of the world, you can always always always find the silver lining. You can always find beauty amidst the muck.
So what did I wear today, Pinterest or people of the internet? Well, I wore bags and dark circles under my eyes as I woke up to work the graveyard shift at my job. I wore my work uniform to the place where I help protect the people of BYU-I, and also earn money to help support my family. I wore a smile as my dog climbed into my arms this morning for five minutes of snuggling after I pressed snooze. I wore a content look on my face because my husband took the time to fold laundry and do some chores while I slept so that it was one less thing for us to worry about. I wore a furrowed brow as I concentrated on my homework and to-do list items...all in the hopes that I'd have more time to spend with my family and friends today. I wore something comfortable along with tennis shoes so that I can attend to the variety of my day, from checking on my society's canned food drive to attending my sociology class. I wore the armor of God, as I have faith in him and how he impacts every second of my day. I wore a frown as I consider and pray for the people around the world amidst the many conflicts of today.
Most of all and most frequently throughout the day, I wore something special: my gratitude.
I am thankful to have a job, even if I have to work graveyards...it gives me experience and keeps my family financially secure. I am thankful for my husband, my puppy, our families and our friends...for their love, for their support, for their companionship, for so much it's impossible to explain it all. I'm grateful to attend a university and to be almost done with earning my Sociology degree. I am grateful for my faith and the support of God and Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost. I am thankful that despite all the evils and conflicts of the world, you can always always always find the silver lining. You can always find beauty amidst the muck.
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