Wow...isn't this a loaded blog post? Let me start by saying that I believe all people are beautiful, no matter their size or what they look like, because I honestly believe beauty comes from within. On that note, I will begin.
Ever since I was a little girl, I have had these weird transitions between being very skinny and then chubby. When I was a child and a teenager, I was very active. I played every sport that I could: basketball, teeball and softball, soccer, etc. In high school, I swam on the junior varsity team. That meant, every day I was in the pool kicking my butt off for at least 3 hours. When my life shifted in my junior year, I gave up all my physical activities to better pursue my service activities. I was essentially volunteering full time, especially with the American Diabetes Association. Between school, volunteering and membership in various clubs, I lost the time I had to exercise and be physically fit. I slowly began to gain weight and by the end of my senior year, I had taken part in some scary things to try to stay thin. I took diet pills, went on crash diets and more...all because I lived in a town where if you weren't rich, skinny or pretty...you weren't popular. At least, that's how I perceived it at the time. I hated the girls who were skinnier and prettier than me, and in a completely unfair way, I judged them based off of their looks because I assumed they were doing the same to me. Now, I see that my high school was less cliquey than most...and that most of my insecurities came from me, guys I dated that I now know weren't worth my time, or sometimes unfortunately my family members...no matter how good their intentions were.
Now, I am twenty three years old. I don't love my body but I accept it and I am working with it, instead of for or against it. I am comfortable enough with myself and the way I look, because I understand that who I am matters a lot more than what I see in the mirror...something I never really understood until recently. What changed? Well, a few things actually. Until I was about 22, I continued yo-yo dieting. If I worked out, I didn't do it consistently but I did it to the point of exhaustion or injury as a reaction to seeing something I hated about my body that day. When my doctor diagnosed me with pre-diabetes though, something I should have known better than to lead myself to thanks to my time volunteering with the ADA, I realized it was time to change. Early this year, I joined a program with the school called The Biggest Winner (loosely based on the TV show, The Biggest Loser but without all the bad stuff like forced smoking, starvation, etc.). I was really committed but unfortunately got injured early in the program and was never able to get what I wanted out of it. However, I did learn some valuable knowledge about nutrition and fitness that I will use for the rest of my life. Finally, I heard about this nutrition plan called Trim Healthy Mama, and this health company called Beachbody. I will spare the details unless you want them (if so, message me), but these programs really have started transitioning me into a healthy lifestyle. I now know that health is about the journey and all through life. Temporary diets and crazy boot camps can only do so much good, if you don't learn to maintain it and more realistically. More importantly, I learned that I want to be healthy for more important reasons than being thin, like sticking around for my husband and future children. Finally, thanks to the help of my Beachbody coach and cousin through Parker's side of the family, I finally learned something that could have helped a lot in high school. I was judging myself for my size and my body defects a lot more than anyone else was. At first, I looked at this woman like "How the heck is she still so fit when she's pregnant?". I will admit that I was a tad bit uncomfortable to share my weight and other statistics with someone who looked pretty perfect on Facebook. However, I learned that she is one of the nicest and most helpful people I have ever had contact with...especially contact about my body. I am learning now more than ever not to judge a book by its cover, because she sure didn't judge me and has continued to help me in my journey.
Also, on a brief note, I want to stress the importance of surrounding yourself with people who love you for you. My husband doesn't care what size my clothes are, or that I have lovehandles. My body isn't what he loves me for, although he'll tell you he still thinks I'm the most beautiful person in the world inside and out. My real friends don't care what I weigh. They're not my friends because of a number on a scale or clothing rack. Real relationships are not perceptive of looks...only on what's in your heart and soul. So if you're dating someone or friends with people, like I was in the past, who makes you feel like you're less of a person based on some outward characteristic, dump them faster than a load at the local Goodwill...because they are not worth your self-esteem or the love you have for yourself.
For an added bonus, check out the song "Try" by Colbie Caillat. It has certainly gotten me through some tough moments and some harsh self-criticism. This particular video is a clip from Dancing with the Stars that brought me to tears with the beauty of the dance and the dancer's exposed emotions:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocZs-rUfCgg.
Monday, October 26, 2015
Monday, October 19, 2015
Pinterest Writing Challenges: Five Things that Make my Husband Attractive to Me
This week, the prompt was to write about five guys I find attractive. Um...no. While I do find other men attractive because I am a human being and know that it is normal to react to what society deems an attractive male, that attraction doesn't matter to me and therefore I have no reason to write about it. I am a happily married woman, after all, and have no business making my husband feel insecure because I am drooling over 5 random men in a blog post. Instead, this blog post will be about the five things that make my husband the most attractive man in the infinite universe to me.
5. His Looks and Physical Properties
4. His Adorable "Quirks"
5. His Looks and Physical Properties
I honestly think that my husband is one of the cutest people on Earth. He has gorgeous hazel eyes, strong forearms, and has a great body...for cuddling! Plus, who could forget that smile/smirk thing he's got going on!
4. His Adorable "Quirks"
One of the things that I have found in my marriage is that truly loving someone means loving ALL of them, even what other people would determine flaws or quirks. I love that my husband is dopey when he's tired, that he can never replace the toilet paper roll and even that his best cooking dish is Top Ramen. Why? Because all of those things are a part of the beautiful life that we have together.
3. His Personality
If you have met my husband, then you know he is quite the character. He is artistic, kind, loyal and giving. He is so funny sometimes that we have had one too many milk-out-the-nose or water-spit-take moments. He is nerdy to the extreme. He loves and forgives like I have not seen on any other person. He truly is a wonderful guy.
2. His Love for God
Today, my husband and I were reading a bit out of a question book for married couples. The question of the day was "Who has influenced you the most spiritually (other than God or Jesus Christ)?" My first thought was instantly of my husband. Without him, I can honestly say I would not be where I am today. I would not have the testimony I have, the service opportunities I have taken, or the education that I am finishing up at BYU-I. He encourages me daily through his example, and also through keeping our family on track with scripture reading, family prayers and church attendance.
1. How He Treats Me
My husband treats me like a princess, honestly. It is shown in all the little things he does for me, from love notes found on my pillow or on the whiteboard to keeping up on the chores and meal prep when my life gets a little too hectic with work or school. It is shown in how we have weekly date nights, and consider the best time of our day to be curling up for a show or book reading time. Simply being around him makes me feel better (99% of the time. I won't pretend our marriage is perfect, but whose is?). He is truly so thoughtful when it comes to me, and I honestly don't give him enough credit...so hopefully this post helps him to know all of those things I forget to say sometimes.
Monday, October 12, 2015
Writing Challenge: My Family
Oh boy, I don't think the internet has enough room for me to go into too much detail concerning my family. As my family and close friends know, my family can be very complicated. There have been write-offs, changes of religion, and a host of not-so-good stuff that I will not divulge on the internet. However, those family members who do still remain in my life are strong and amazing people that I love dearly. I also am a firm believer in friends being the family you get to choose. I won't comment on them here though as I think I spotted a blog prompting about friends on my challenge list. Therefore, I will go into my family tree a bit, but understand some stuff stays private and some people are omitted for various reasons. Yes, news flash, you don't have to put your whole life story online for the world to see, even if you do have a blog. Just kidding, but not really... Basically, to know those intimate details of my family, requires a lot of time spent together, a lot of trust and an in-person conversation. I guess I'm "old school" like that (seriously, I need a sarcasm font).
I consider the head of my maternal family to be my great-great grandfather, Frank Gallegher. I am named after both him and his daughter, Dolores Gallegher Tuter. To be a Gallegher means lots of things but I am proud to carry the namesake. Frank was a hero of sorts, dying in a house fire after he helped rescue some people. He had several children but the only one I really know and that was really a part of my life was Dolores. Dolores was/is my great grandmother, but we shared a special bond. She helped raise me while my mother was in college and also working full time. She was a stubborn, tough woman who I consider some of my best and a few of my worst qualities to be inherited from. Dolores had two children with a man named Jack, whom I never knew. One was my grandmother, Frankie. The other was my great-aunt, Terry. Frankie is a very unconventional grandmother, but she can be a lot of fun! We have some of the best memories together including repeat viewings of Lion King and Scooby Doo, while eating salted apples (it's delicious, just trust me). Frankie taught me about a lot and stood by me always... and I can honestly say I wouldn't be the cook I am today without her help (Again, I really wish there were humor and sarcasm fonts...). Terry is a very fun aunt who I love spending time with. She is a great person to just talk to and she tells it like it is! She and my Uncle Jeff (who makes the best cherry pie in all the world and calls me Katelander) had two boys, named Justin and Ryan. When we were kids, Justin and I were closer and Ryan and I loved to fight. I have fond memories of both of them throughout my childhood, as we are closer in age than my mom and they are, despite the fact that we are technically second cousins. I remember riding on the pegs of Justin's bike and watching movies with him and my mom every Friday night. I remember sumo wresting with Ryan, and who could forget putting lipstick on him as he napped or the great pie fight of Thanksgiving? Frankie had my mom, Tonya. My mom is a lot of things, but words can't describe how much she has sacrificed for me or all the things we have been through. She can be really funny, is a die-hard sports fan, and I am so much like her at times that it causes us to butt heads but I love my mom as much as any daughter ever has. My mom had me, and then my two siblings, Kiera and Noah. I was 12 when Kiera was born, and 14 when Noah was. I love my siblings in a way I think a lot of siblings don't get to experience. I helped teach them how to read, swim and use manners. I took two years off of college to homeschool and help care for them as my mom worked as a traveling nurse. I vividly remember when both of them were born, and all of the experiences since. Kiera is a strong-headed, beautiful, sassy dancer with a heart of gold when it comes to animals! Noah is a nerdy, talented and sporty All-American boy who can be so helpful and compassionate. They are both like me and not like me in a lot of ways, but we always have the best time together! Then, I can't go without creating a special shout-out for my one and only Aunt Laurel! My Aunt Laurel is a really cool chick, who served in the U.S. Navy, never let me give her any lip and yet somehow always spoiled me rotten. There are others on my mom's side of the family but to talk about all of them would take days! All I can say is that I love all of the family who has chosen to stick around, even when the going got tough.
On my paternal side, things are a little more complicated. My parents married when they were very young, and both served in the army in Germany, which is where I was born. My father and I are not very close but I know he tried for many years and did the best he knew how to when he was in my life. His parents, my Grandma Ida and Papa, were beautiful people with the voices of angels! One of my most prized possessions is a CD of them singing. It has comforted me many a time. I don't have a lot of memories of them, as they both passed when I was very young, but their kindness and faith left lasting impressions on me. Then, there is my Uncle Brian and Aunt Mickie. These two have always served as some of my biggest role models! My aunt is kind, patient and loving in a way that you just don't see too much of anymore. She holds a special place in my heart, as someone whom I know has loved me unconditionally since the day I was born. I truly think that, if I can end up being half the woman she is and love even half as fully as she does, my life will be truly blessed (I actually just teared up as I wrote that...). My uncle stepped up in a lot of roles for me, and words can not express how grateful I am for him, all of his goofiness included. They have five beautiful children, all of whom I love and respect greatly. They are some of the most talented, most faithful, and kindest people I have ever met. My aunt's family, be it her mother, sister, or father always welcomed me in with open arms and hearts...I am forever grateful for that and honored to know them. Again, there are many others on this side of the family...some I didn't know very well, some I didn't know at all, but the blessing in disguise here is that the family I do know and have a relationship with is even more precious and cherished to me.
Overall, I just hope to make my family proud. I hope to be there for them in all the ways those who have, have always been there for me. I will end with one of my favorite quotes of all time. Jim Butcher said, through writing in his amazing series The Dresden Files, "I don't care about whose DNA has recombined with whose. When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching, they are your family."
I consider the head of my maternal family to be my great-great grandfather, Frank Gallegher. I am named after both him and his daughter, Dolores Gallegher Tuter. To be a Gallegher means lots of things but I am proud to carry the namesake. Frank was a hero of sorts, dying in a house fire after he helped rescue some people. He had several children but the only one I really know and that was really a part of my life was Dolores. Dolores was/is my great grandmother, but we shared a special bond. She helped raise me while my mother was in college and also working full time. She was a stubborn, tough woman who I consider some of my best and a few of my worst qualities to be inherited from. Dolores had two children with a man named Jack, whom I never knew. One was my grandmother, Frankie. The other was my great-aunt, Terry. Frankie is a very unconventional grandmother, but she can be a lot of fun! We have some of the best memories together including repeat viewings of Lion King and Scooby Doo, while eating salted apples (it's delicious, just trust me). Frankie taught me about a lot and stood by me always... and I can honestly say I wouldn't be the cook I am today without her help (Again, I really wish there were humor and sarcasm fonts...). Terry is a very fun aunt who I love spending time with. She is a great person to just talk to and she tells it like it is! She and my Uncle Jeff (who makes the best cherry pie in all the world and calls me Katelander) had two boys, named Justin and Ryan. When we were kids, Justin and I were closer and Ryan and I loved to fight. I have fond memories of both of them throughout my childhood, as we are closer in age than my mom and they are, despite the fact that we are technically second cousins. I remember riding on the pegs of Justin's bike and watching movies with him and my mom every Friday night. I remember sumo wresting with Ryan, and who could forget putting lipstick on him as he napped or the great pie fight of Thanksgiving? Frankie had my mom, Tonya. My mom is a lot of things, but words can't describe how much she has sacrificed for me or all the things we have been through. She can be really funny, is a die-hard sports fan, and I am so much like her at times that it causes us to butt heads but I love my mom as much as any daughter ever has. My mom had me, and then my two siblings, Kiera and Noah. I was 12 when Kiera was born, and 14 when Noah was. I love my siblings in a way I think a lot of siblings don't get to experience. I helped teach them how to read, swim and use manners. I took two years off of college to homeschool and help care for them as my mom worked as a traveling nurse. I vividly remember when both of them were born, and all of the experiences since. Kiera is a strong-headed, beautiful, sassy dancer with a heart of gold when it comes to animals! Noah is a nerdy, talented and sporty All-American boy who can be so helpful and compassionate. They are both like me and not like me in a lot of ways, but we always have the best time together! Then, I can't go without creating a special shout-out for my one and only Aunt Laurel! My Aunt Laurel is a really cool chick, who served in the U.S. Navy, never let me give her any lip and yet somehow always spoiled me rotten. There are others on my mom's side of the family but to talk about all of them would take days! All I can say is that I love all of the family who has chosen to stick around, even when the going got tough.
On my paternal side, things are a little more complicated. My parents married when they were very young, and both served in the army in Germany, which is where I was born. My father and I are not very close but I know he tried for many years and did the best he knew how to when he was in my life. His parents, my Grandma Ida and Papa, were beautiful people with the voices of angels! One of my most prized possessions is a CD of them singing. It has comforted me many a time. I don't have a lot of memories of them, as they both passed when I was very young, but their kindness and faith left lasting impressions on me. Then, there is my Uncle Brian and Aunt Mickie. These two have always served as some of my biggest role models! My aunt is kind, patient and loving in a way that you just don't see too much of anymore. She holds a special place in my heart, as someone whom I know has loved me unconditionally since the day I was born. I truly think that, if I can end up being half the woman she is and love even half as fully as she does, my life will be truly blessed (I actually just teared up as I wrote that...). My uncle stepped up in a lot of roles for me, and words can not express how grateful I am for him, all of his goofiness included. They have five beautiful children, all of whom I love and respect greatly. They are some of the most talented, most faithful, and kindest people I have ever met. My aunt's family, be it her mother, sister, or father always welcomed me in with open arms and hearts...I am forever grateful for that and honored to know them. Again, there are many others on this side of the family...some I didn't know very well, some I didn't know at all, but the blessing in disguise here is that the family I do know and have a relationship with is even more precious and cherished to me.
Overall, I just hope to make my family proud. I hope to be there for them in all the ways those who have, have always been there for me. I will end with one of my favorite quotes of all time. Jim Butcher said, through writing in his amazing series The Dresden Files, "I don't care about whose DNA has recombined with whose. When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching, they are your family."
Monday, October 5, 2015
Writing Challenge: Shuffle Music Challenge
This week's challenge is pretty cool, I think. I love music and have one of the most warped music collections on Earth, in my opinion, so I'm excited to see what 10 songs come up! I'm going to break a rule though: I'm only going to do 7 because it's my lucky number and because I don't want this post to feel like a novella. I will also be breaking a rule in that it won't be just the first ten songs, because I will skip any artist I have already covered. The challenge didn't call for this but I'll tell you a little about each song to keep this post more interesting (hopefully). Here we go!
1. "Better" by Tyler Ward (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khfrZbnbDug).
- Favorite Lyric: "So I'll blame it on my optimistic heart; at least I'll have stories for my scars. American Dream my life away, when all of my dreams cry: Mayday, Mayday!"
- Cool Fact about Artist or Song: Tyler Ward started out on YouTube doing covers (you should check him out- I love how he makes the songs cleaner), but this song is an original! I also love the video so please check it out if you're in the mood to have your spirit lifted!
- Favorite Song by Artist: "Dashes". It's another original and it's just beautiful!
- Reason I Love THIS Song: This song talks about optimism even while being lost...that speaks to me because I wish that I could keep more of a positive outlook, even when life gets rough.
2. "Travelin' Soldier" by Dixie Chicks (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXw3XhlmTcs).
- Favorite Lyric: "He told her of his heart, it might be love and all of the things he was so scared of. He said when it's getting kinda rough over here, I think of that day sitting down at the pier and I close my eyes and see your pretty smile."
- Cool Fact about Artist or Song: Dixie Chicks kind of started this cool genre, called alternative genre. I'm all for genre mixing and love it almost as much as I love mashups!
- Favorite Song by Artist: "Cowboy Take Me Away." It's a beautiful song about finding peace with nature and the person you love, about appreciating the simple things in life and escaping the craziness that can be society.
- Reason I Love THIS Song: This song is just a beautiful tribute to love and loss. It's heartbreaking in a very real way.
3. "More than a Band" by Lemonade Mouth (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xkNWlmEJDfI).
- Favorite Lyric: "I can't pretend to know how you feel, but know that I'm here. Know that I'm real. Say what you want or don't talk to at all. I'm not gonna let you fall. Reach for my hand 'cause it's held out for you. My shoulders are small but you can cry on them, too."
- Cool Fact about Artist or Song: Lemonade Mouth actually is from a Disney Channel original movie that my little sister Kiera showed me. At first, I just loved that she was listening to something that wasn't from Miley Cyrus or some other less desirable role model. Then, as I watched the movie with her, I realized Disney had kind of gone old school and included some really good messages. I encourage you to check it out if you liked the Disney Channel original movies from around the time I was a kid (90s and early 2000s).
- Favorite Song by Artist: "She's So Gone"...a song about the changes that a girl goes through after she goes through something hurtful like a breakup. I've identified with it more than once.
- Reason I Love THIS song: It's a great song about friendship that can be applied to all relationships, even if you're not in a band together (you can't see but I'm sticking my tongue out).
4. "Marry You" by Bruno Mars (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9xdyRsGOl6U).
- Favorite Lyric: "Is it that look in your eyes or is it this dancing juice? Who cares, baby? I think I wanna marry you."
- Cool Fact about Artist or Song: The song is widely used in flashmob or lip sync marriage proposals! Check out more videos on YouTube!
- Favorite Song by Artist: "Just the Way You Are." It's just an amazing song that I think describes the way every girl wants a guy to feel about her.
- Reason I Love THIS Song: I love how it illustrates the fun of being in love and that excitement that comes with knowing that person may be or definitely is the one!
5. "Before the Morning" by Josh Wilson (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=New8i_eX3x8)
- Favorite Lyric: "Well maybe, there are things you can't see and all those things are happening to bring a better ending. Someday, somehow, you'll see."
- Cool Fact about Artist or Song: Josh Wilson is a Christian artist so all of his songs are clean and have a spiritual message!
- Favorite Song by Artist: THIS ONE!
- Reason I Love THIS song: I love how it talks about trials and the Savior's plan for us. I heard this song for the first time as I was falling asleep in my cousins' room. I was going through a very hard time and yet this song allowed God to place some hope in my heart. Savannah and Sierra, thank you for showing me the beauty of this song, this artist and the genre overall!
6. "I Can Still Feel You" by Collin Raye (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cvReRQE9Yzk)
- Favorite Lyric: "There's a place you've touched with your love no one gets close to."
- Cool Fact about Artist or Song: Collin Raye was originally known as Bubba Wray and was in a band with his brother (keeping it in the family is pretty cool!).
- Favorite Song by Artist: THIS ONE!
- Reason I Love THIS song: When Parker and I were in a long distance relationship, this was one of many songs that described how I was feeling in ways I didn't know how to. This song specifically said nobody could ever take Parker's place and also described that weird feeling about how I always felt him with me.
7. "Pieces of Me" by Ashlee Simpson (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJCsyLUCSXI).
- Favorite Lyric: "Fall, with you I fall so fast. I can hardly catch my breath. I hope it lasts.Oh, it seems like I can finally rest my head on something real. I like the way that feels. Oh, it's as if you know me better than I ever knew myself."
- Cool Fact about Artist or Song: Ashlee Simpson is the younger sister to famous actress and singer Jessica Simpson, whom I also like!
- Favorite Song by Artist: THIS ONE!
- Reason I Love THIS song: For me, this song came to be more than just a fun song when I realized Parker wasn't going anywhere. I'd hear this song and be like "This is what I'm feeling, I think this is what love is supposed to feel like."
Monday, September 28, 2015
Writing Challenges: How Important I Think Education Is
I am one of those people who just love to learn. I strive to learn something new every day. The thing I learned most recently is that there are giant arrows on the ground all over the United States that used to be for directing air traffic (it's kind of cool actually, look it up!).
Therefore, I can honestly tell you that I think education is very important so long as the point of that education is to learn, teach and be taught. I have the greatest respect for teachers who don't treat their students like their just a check mark, but rather as a person who has so much to learn. The teachers who actually teach are the best!
Ever since I was a little girl (and got past the nerves of the first day of kindergarten...we've all been there, right?), I have loved to go to school. I love enhancing my knowledge and often have animated discussions with my husband after every college class I attend about what information I gathered in that time (and he even pretends to be interested, what a great husband :P).
I don't really know what else to say without being redundant so I will end with this final thought. Without education of some kind (I don't care if you're homeschooled, public schooled, private schooled, or self-taught), we do not learn as much...Without learning and acquiring knowledge, we could be in danger of ignorance and ignorance breeds all sorts of awful things...so seek to learn every day and keep being awesome, followers!
Completely random side note: Next week, I plan on starting my new blog, "Concert Diaries of a Girl Found in Music." Let me know if you'd like to know about updates for it!
Therefore, I can honestly tell you that I think education is very important so long as the point of that education is to learn, teach and be taught. I have the greatest respect for teachers who don't treat their students like their just a check mark, but rather as a person who has so much to learn. The teachers who actually teach are the best!
Ever since I was a little girl (and got past the nerves of the first day of kindergarten...we've all been there, right?), I have loved to go to school. I love enhancing my knowledge and often have animated discussions with my husband after every college class I attend about what information I gathered in that time (and he even pretends to be interested, what a great husband :P).
I don't really know what else to say without being redundant so I will end with this final thought. Without education of some kind (I don't care if you're homeschooled, public schooled, private schooled, or self-taught), we do not learn as much...Without learning and acquiring knowledge, we could be in danger of ignorance and ignorance breeds all sorts of awful things...so seek to learn every day and keep being awesome, followers!
Completely random side note: Next week, I plan on starting my new blog, "Concert Diaries of a Girl Found in Music." Let me know if you'd like to know about updates for it!
Sunday, September 20, 2015
What I Ate Today (Both Literally and Figuratively)
Today, as it is only 10:05AM as I write this, I have eaten two small and very healthy, apple pie-flavored muffins. They were homemade by yours truly with ingredients like oat flour, Greek yogurt and you guessed it, apples. However, I tell My Fitness Pal every day what I have to eat and it usually yells at me to eat more protein or something to that effect.
Therefore, today I want to write about how I figuratively ate crow. The expression apparently originated in 1812 when an American soldier shot a crow out of the sky. A British soldier caught him, and despite complimenting him on his skill as a marksman, punished the American for killing the creature by making him eat the crow. It was apparently quite unpalatable (Atlanta Constitution article, 1888). Nowadays, the idiom of eating crow means to admit when you were wrong...and I have some things to admit to.
I started off my evening in Salt Lake City with two very good friends and my sister-in-law at a Tyler Ward concert (seriously, check him out on YouTube...he's fantastic). I expected an evening of light and easy fun. I joked about how cute the singer was. The whole time I ignored a situation with a friend that was just easier not to talk about or deal with.
Well, this amazing thing happened where Tyler's power supplies wouldn't work. It totally threw off his whole set but instead of postponing or cancelling the show, he rolled with the punches and decided to play acoustically. As a lot of Tyler's set depended on the power, he had some time to play around with. Somehow, he decided to bare his soul to us...and I am so glad he did. He talked about some regrets he had, some battles he had fought, and the power of God to help us get through such situations. He invited the crowd to reflect on themselves and their lives, and to determine if there was anything we needed to let go of. If we did, he asked that we get a pen and paper, that we write down that/those thing/s, and that we put it in a box just outside the venue. He promised he would burn them at his next show as a symbol of our letting those things go. Always game for such challenges, I pulled out a pad of Mickey Mouse stationery and my friend pulled out a pen. I first passed the supplies to my dear sister-in-law so that I could think for a minute. Then, I knew...I knew what I needed to let go of: hate, insecurities, and grudges. I filled out the paper and then decided to share with the crowd (side note: it was a really cool experience to pass out a pad with almost 100 pieces of paper and see the remaining 3 pages on a table at the end of the night).
As I held that paper in my hand and listened to Tyler and the crowd sing, I anxiously waited to drop it in the box at the end of the night. That's when I realized how much I had weighing on me. The way I saw it, I had three major problems outside of the normal stresses of life (e.g. school, work, household/church/social responsibilities).
1. I had made my sweet and wonderful husband feel insecure by talking about Tyler Ward.
2. I was holding on to a lot of grudges, and not taking accountability to make things better.
3. I was shutting out a friend because he had made me feel betrayed, insecure, and vulnerable.
So, let's address things one at a time as too much crow at once could kill a girl. First, my awesome and amazing husband... I have this problem and I honestly think a lot of women do where when we see a very handsome man, we comment on it...no matter who's around. Irresponsibly, I had made my husband feel jealous of this person I was going to see perform. Fangirls (and fanboys, sometimes) say a lot of things about the unattainable celebrity and everything they love about them...when the truth is, we don't know that person at all. I will tell you that Tyler Ward was not the cookie cutter musician type I had him pegged for. He has admirable story and an inspiring testimony of the Lord. He is far more than some flippy hair and the ability to play the guitar. For him and the world to know, I love my husband more than words can describe. Every love song I have ever heard somehow reminds me of him...and the best ones could have been written about us. I was wrong to discuss another man, even a somewhat celebrity, in a way that made my husband feel insecure...because the truth is, at the end of the night, the only person's cuteness that I care about is my husband's. He is the only man that I want forever. He is the only man that I want period, in all honesty. So girls, please don't make the mistake I did...make sure your husbands/boyfriends know they always come first, when it comes to your heart or anything else for that matter.
Okay, one helping of crow down and two more to go. So let's talk about my second of all... It's no secret that I've faced a lot of disappointment and regret in my life. Who hasn't? However, I made the mistake of even temporarily letting those things and those events define me. You know what else I've had a lot of in my life? Happiness. Love. Acceptance. Forgiveness. It's time to focus on the brighter things....because I'd rather be able to blame my behavior on my optimistic heart than my pessimistic brain. I mean, just think about how different the outcome would be. We all live with insecurities. They will sometimes rear their ugly heads...but I won't let that define me anymore. I am not my insecurities. I am the strength that I gained from overcoming them...and so are you.
This last serving of crow seems to be the most raw. I had a friend, who shall remain nameless, that had what essentially amounted to a hate file about me. When I saw it on his computer and read it, it broke my heart. I could feel the metaphorical knife slipping in to my back. Then, to make matters worse, he lied to me about it in that really obvious way that you know there's no way what that person is saying could be true. Then, to top it all off, he attempted to place the blame on my husband. While none of that was okay, and it really wasn't, neither was my reaction. As quickly as you can meet someone, I cut him out of my life without even allowing him to explain himself. It was a deleted Facebook friendship, an order to not speak to me or my husband, and hours of venting later that I recognized what I was feeling...it was the bubbles of the poison that is hate beginning to intoxicate me. Rather than recognize my wrongdoing, I decided to shut down instead. It's far easier to be a shoulder for your best friend and husband to cry on if you don't allow yourself to feel anything (yes, it is possible...easy even...it's turning everything back on that is the most painful and the most difficult). It's far easier to go to class and to work if you pretend it doesn't bother you that you were feeling like your spleen just got ripped out. Then, my husband texted me a message: Proverbs 17:17. It says, in a more updated form of speaking: "A friend is loving at all times, and becomes a brother in times of trouble." While my friend should have addressed his concerns out of love instead of hiding them for whatever reason....while he shouldn't have lied....while he should have taken accountability instead of playing the blame game....I ran. In times of trouble, when I was meant to become his sister, I ran because I was hurt. I was scared. I was more protective over my other friend/his wife, and my husband. I left him alone, and without love. This...this act of returned betrayal...coming from me, the girl who spouts off random quotes all the time like "Friends are the family you get to choose." I made it my motto and I abandoned myself to hide.
Today, I let that go. When Tyler burns that slip of paper I dropped into a box, it will really only be a symbol for what I have already let go. I ate my crow...I admitted my wrong. Now, I focus on a brighter tomorrow and making things better. I decide what defines me, and I choose words like love and family, not insecurity and betrayal.
Therefore, today I want to write about how I figuratively ate crow. The expression apparently originated in 1812 when an American soldier shot a crow out of the sky. A British soldier caught him, and despite complimenting him on his skill as a marksman, punished the American for killing the creature by making him eat the crow. It was apparently quite unpalatable (Atlanta Constitution article, 1888). Nowadays, the idiom of eating crow means to admit when you were wrong...and I have some things to admit to.
I started off my evening in Salt Lake City with two very good friends and my sister-in-law at a Tyler Ward concert (seriously, check him out on YouTube...he's fantastic). I expected an evening of light and easy fun. I joked about how cute the singer was. The whole time I ignored a situation with a friend that was just easier not to talk about or deal with.
Well, this amazing thing happened where Tyler's power supplies wouldn't work. It totally threw off his whole set but instead of postponing or cancelling the show, he rolled with the punches and decided to play acoustically. As a lot of Tyler's set depended on the power, he had some time to play around with. Somehow, he decided to bare his soul to us...and I am so glad he did. He talked about some regrets he had, some battles he had fought, and the power of God to help us get through such situations. He invited the crowd to reflect on themselves and their lives, and to determine if there was anything we needed to let go of. If we did, he asked that we get a pen and paper, that we write down that/those thing/s, and that we put it in a box just outside the venue. He promised he would burn them at his next show as a symbol of our letting those things go. Always game for such challenges, I pulled out a pad of Mickey Mouse stationery and my friend pulled out a pen. I first passed the supplies to my dear sister-in-law so that I could think for a minute. Then, I knew...I knew what I needed to let go of: hate, insecurities, and grudges. I filled out the paper and then decided to share with the crowd (side note: it was a really cool experience to pass out a pad with almost 100 pieces of paper and see the remaining 3 pages on a table at the end of the night).
As I held that paper in my hand and listened to Tyler and the crowd sing, I anxiously waited to drop it in the box at the end of the night. That's when I realized how much I had weighing on me. The way I saw it, I had three major problems outside of the normal stresses of life (e.g. school, work, household/church/social responsibilities).
1. I had made my sweet and wonderful husband feel insecure by talking about Tyler Ward.
2. I was holding on to a lot of grudges, and not taking accountability to make things better.
3. I was shutting out a friend because he had made me feel betrayed, insecure, and vulnerable.
So, let's address things one at a time as too much crow at once could kill a girl. First, my awesome and amazing husband... I have this problem and I honestly think a lot of women do where when we see a very handsome man, we comment on it...no matter who's around. Irresponsibly, I had made my husband feel jealous of this person I was going to see perform. Fangirls (and fanboys, sometimes) say a lot of things about the unattainable celebrity and everything they love about them...when the truth is, we don't know that person at all. I will tell you that Tyler Ward was not the cookie cutter musician type I had him pegged for. He has admirable story and an inspiring testimony of the Lord. He is far more than some flippy hair and the ability to play the guitar. For him and the world to know, I love my husband more than words can describe. Every love song I have ever heard somehow reminds me of him...and the best ones could have been written about us. I was wrong to discuss another man, even a somewhat celebrity, in a way that made my husband feel insecure...because the truth is, at the end of the night, the only person's cuteness that I care about is my husband's. He is the only man that I want forever. He is the only man that I want period, in all honesty. So girls, please don't make the mistake I did...make sure your husbands/boyfriends know they always come first, when it comes to your heart or anything else for that matter.
Okay, one helping of crow down and two more to go. So let's talk about my second of all... It's no secret that I've faced a lot of disappointment and regret in my life. Who hasn't? However, I made the mistake of even temporarily letting those things and those events define me. You know what else I've had a lot of in my life? Happiness. Love. Acceptance. Forgiveness. It's time to focus on the brighter things....because I'd rather be able to blame my behavior on my optimistic heart than my pessimistic brain. I mean, just think about how different the outcome would be. We all live with insecurities. They will sometimes rear their ugly heads...but I won't let that define me anymore. I am not my insecurities. I am the strength that I gained from overcoming them...and so are you.
This last serving of crow seems to be the most raw. I had a friend, who shall remain nameless, that had what essentially amounted to a hate file about me. When I saw it on his computer and read it, it broke my heart. I could feel the metaphorical knife slipping in to my back. Then, to make matters worse, he lied to me about it in that really obvious way that you know there's no way what that person is saying could be true. Then, to top it all off, he attempted to place the blame on my husband. While none of that was okay, and it really wasn't, neither was my reaction. As quickly as you can meet someone, I cut him out of my life without even allowing him to explain himself. It was a deleted Facebook friendship, an order to not speak to me or my husband, and hours of venting later that I recognized what I was feeling...it was the bubbles of the poison that is hate beginning to intoxicate me. Rather than recognize my wrongdoing, I decided to shut down instead. It's far easier to be a shoulder for your best friend and husband to cry on if you don't allow yourself to feel anything (yes, it is possible...easy even...it's turning everything back on that is the most painful and the most difficult). It's far easier to go to class and to work if you pretend it doesn't bother you that you were feeling like your spleen just got ripped out. Then, my husband texted me a message: Proverbs 17:17. It says, in a more updated form of speaking: "A friend is loving at all times, and becomes a brother in times of trouble." While my friend should have addressed his concerns out of love instead of hiding them for whatever reason....while he shouldn't have lied....while he should have taken accountability instead of playing the blame game....I ran. In times of trouble, when I was meant to become his sister, I ran because I was hurt. I was scared. I was more protective over my other friend/his wife, and my husband. I left him alone, and without love. This...this act of returned betrayal...coming from me, the girl who spouts off random quotes all the time like "Friends are the family you get to choose." I made it my motto and I abandoned myself to hide.
Today, I let that go. When Tyler burns that slip of paper I dropped into a box, it will really only be a symbol for what I have already let go. I ate my crow...I admitted my wrong. Now, I focus on a brighter tomorrow and making things better. I decide what defines me, and I choose words like love and family, not insecurity and betrayal.
Sunday, September 13, 2015
Five Pet Peeves
Boy, it sure has been a long time since I got on here to write. For those interested, I had a lovely 7 week break with my mother, stepfather and siblings in PA. Now, it's back with nose to the grindstone for fall semester...starting tomorrow. However, I have decided that I will commit to a blog every Sunday. For now, I will still be sticking with challenges, which brings us to....pet peeves, ta da!
Pet peeves are an interesting concept. An old acquaintance of mine pointed out the other day that pet peeves are literally being described as our cherished annoyances. As I do not cherish the idea of being annoyed, I will be listing these pet peeves of mine in order from least annoyance to most annoyance and not least cherished to most cherished.
5. Being a walking, talking mess.
Okay, so this is the lesser of my pet peeves but it is still in the top 5 because...well, let's just say that my friends have diagnosed me (jokingly) as having OCD...including a friend who probably really does have OCD. I can't stand messes. I can't stand disorder. I am the organizing queen, and if somehow I have let my apartment go without a good cleaning for too long, I just won't go home until it's livable again (luckily, I have a very nice husband who picks up my slack). However, at the uppermost pinpoint of this pet peeve are people who come into my clean or organized space and make a mess out of it. It's bad enough when I'm the one to blame...you see, I'm not very nice to myself if my DVDs aren't ordered by genre or if the couch doesn't smell like flowers. Therefore, it is very hard to remain calm when I find the after remnants of a guest to be pluckings from my feather pillows, trash not in the trash can, etc. It's not to say that to be a guest in my home you have to be like me. Of course not. If the whole world were like me, there would be ZERO messes...and messes can be turned into things like art. It's just that I would love for you to use a coaster and remove your shoes. In all seriousness, even if you leave rings on my furniture or break something, I still love you. I just may need to go to my happy place for a while. Ah, the mind vacations I take to the Bahamas.
4. Being so cheap that you either end up a mooch or a recluse.So, I have this thing where I like to organize get togethers and parties. For those of you who have seen the hit sitcom Friends, my lovely buddies call me "the Monica." I am all about Pinterest, and movie nights, and organized events. I am all about Friendsgiving, White Elephant Christmas parties, and ringing the New Year in with streamers, confetti, and kisses. In order to fulfill my craving for a good, well-organized time so frequently, I usually ask people to chip in with food or monetary contributions. We like to go Dutch when we go out with our friends, etcetera etcetera. What gets under my collar here is when someone will specifically not go out or join the party because they don't want to contribute. Now, myself and a lot of my friends are college students so I'm not talking about those hard times we all have between paychecks where we can't contribute. I always back my friends in those situations if I can, and they do the same for me. I'm talking about having the money and wanting to go, but not wanting to spend your money. Everyone likes to treat each other now and again, including me. However, this is not the automatic norm and friends should not expect other friends to foot all their social bills. Neither should family members. Or freaky vampires that sparkle. Okay, even I don't know where that last one came from. It's 3:54 in the morning and I'm still at work so....yeah.
3. Entitlement.Now, when I use the word entitlement, I'm not talking about money again. I'm talking about time, resources, faith, kindness, and the list goes on and on. One of the biggest things that irks me is when people just feel that the world owes them everything. I was raised to work hard for what I wanted, and if I wanted nice things, I had better ensure that I was successful. I was raised to volunteer, network and not find myself above anybody else, any job, etc. The world owes us nothing. We owe the world. God owes us nothing, but has given us everything. We owe God...we owe Him service, love, and so much more. Please do not be the kind of person who throws fits to get your way. Please do not be the kind of person who curses their family, friends or Heavenly Father because something didn't quite go down the path you wanted it to. Instead, cherish each trial as a lesson to become a better person. See hard work and diligence as ways to truly earn what you want and what you have. Don't take the easy road out. Don't let everyone else do it for you. Take accountability. Don't take a pill to lose weight and put all your faith into some money-back guarantee. Work for yourself by eating healthily, engaging in fitness activities, and treating your body better. Don't waste all your money on things you don't need and then just hope that you can borrow the money to pay your rent or car insurance. Use a budget and save. You are worth the investment.
2. Being fake.I feel like this goes without saying. Doesn't everyone have a pet peeve about things or people not being what they pretend to be? Just be who you are, okay? The right people will love you, no matter what flaws you think you have. Nobody is perfect. Doesn't everyone dislike when someone plays nice to your face but goes behind your back in attempts to destroy you? If you have a problem with someone, tell them. Work it out. In the end, revenge or spite will only lead to sorrow. Choose not to let gossip and hateful feelings control you. Instead, choose to spread amity. Choose to be an example of integrity. Choose to be real and honest, no matter how raw that reality may be.
1. Lack of etiquette, manners or just plain kindness.
Okay, so the number 1 thing that gets under my skin is this. Don't be rude just to be rude. Say please, thank you, and you're welcome. RSVP to a party when the invitation asks you to. Use R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Taking the time to use etiquette, manners, and kindness shows that you value your relationship with that person...whether it be a friendship, a marriage, a family relation, or a professional relationship. Failing to do so leads to the opposite, in which the other person feels underappreciated, ignored or not worth your time.
Okay, phew. That was a lot of negativity. I would like to end on a positive note. "Don't get discouraged. Things WILL work out."- Gordon B. Hinckley. No matter what, my husband always tells me "everything is going to be okay" and you know what? In one way or another, he's right. You will go on to another day, so why not fill that day with kindness, honesty, love, and respect?
Pet peeves are an interesting concept. An old acquaintance of mine pointed out the other day that pet peeves are literally being described as our cherished annoyances. As I do not cherish the idea of being annoyed, I will be listing these pet peeves of mine in order from least annoyance to most annoyance and not least cherished to most cherished.
5. Being a walking, talking mess.
Okay, so this is the lesser of my pet peeves but it is still in the top 5 because...well, let's just say that my friends have diagnosed me (jokingly) as having OCD...including a friend who probably really does have OCD. I can't stand messes. I can't stand disorder. I am the organizing queen, and if somehow I have let my apartment go without a good cleaning for too long, I just won't go home until it's livable again (luckily, I have a very nice husband who picks up my slack). However, at the uppermost pinpoint of this pet peeve are people who come into my clean or organized space and make a mess out of it. It's bad enough when I'm the one to blame...you see, I'm not very nice to myself if my DVDs aren't ordered by genre or if the couch doesn't smell like flowers. Therefore, it is very hard to remain calm when I find the after remnants of a guest to be pluckings from my feather pillows, trash not in the trash can, etc. It's not to say that to be a guest in my home you have to be like me. Of course not. If the whole world were like me, there would be ZERO messes...and messes can be turned into things like art. It's just that I would love for you to use a coaster and remove your shoes. In all seriousness, even if you leave rings on my furniture or break something, I still love you. I just may need to go to my happy place for a while. Ah, the mind vacations I take to the Bahamas.
4. Being so cheap that you either end up a mooch or a recluse.So, I have this thing where I like to organize get togethers and parties. For those of you who have seen the hit sitcom Friends, my lovely buddies call me "the Monica." I am all about Pinterest, and movie nights, and organized events. I am all about Friendsgiving, White Elephant Christmas parties, and ringing the New Year in with streamers, confetti, and kisses. In order to fulfill my craving for a good, well-organized time so frequently, I usually ask people to chip in with food or monetary contributions. We like to go Dutch when we go out with our friends, etcetera etcetera. What gets under my collar here is when someone will specifically not go out or join the party because they don't want to contribute. Now, myself and a lot of my friends are college students so I'm not talking about those hard times we all have between paychecks where we can't contribute. I always back my friends in those situations if I can, and they do the same for me. I'm talking about having the money and wanting to go, but not wanting to spend your money. Everyone likes to treat each other now and again, including me. However, this is not the automatic norm and friends should not expect other friends to foot all their social bills. Neither should family members. Or freaky vampires that sparkle. Okay, even I don't know where that last one came from. It's 3:54 in the morning and I'm still at work so....yeah.
3. Entitlement.Now, when I use the word entitlement, I'm not talking about money again. I'm talking about time, resources, faith, kindness, and the list goes on and on. One of the biggest things that irks me is when people just feel that the world owes them everything. I was raised to work hard for what I wanted, and if I wanted nice things, I had better ensure that I was successful. I was raised to volunteer, network and not find myself above anybody else, any job, etc. The world owes us nothing. We owe the world. God owes us nothing, but has given us everything. We owe God...we owe Him service, love, and so much more. Please do not be the kind of person who throws fits to get your way. Please do not be the kind of person who curses their family, friends or Heavenly Father because something didn't quite go down the path you wanted it to. Instead, cherish each trial as a lesson to become a better person. See hard work and diligence as ways to truly earn what you want and what you have. Don't take the easy road out. Don't let everyone else do it for you. Take accountability. Don't take a pill to lose weight and put all your faith into some money-back guarantee. Work for yourself by eating healthily, engaging in fitness activities, and treating your body better. Don't waste all your money on things you don't need and then just hope that you can borrow the money to pay your rent or car insurance. Use a budget and save. You are worth the investment.
2. Being fake.I feel like this goes without saying. Doesn't everyone have a pet peeve about things or people not being what they pretend to be? Just be who you are, okay? The right people will love you, no matter what flaws you think you have. Nobody is perfect. Doesn't everyone dislike when someone plays nice to your face but goes behind your back in attempts to destroy you? If you have a problem with someone, tell them. Work it out. In the end, revenge or spite will only lead to sorrow. Choose not to let gossip and hateful feelings control you. Instead, choose to spread amity. Choose to be an example of integrity. Choose to be real and honest, no matter how raw that reality may be.
1. Lack of etiquette, manners or just plain kindness.
Okay, so the number 1 thing that gets under my skin is this. Don't be rude just to be rude. Say please, thank you, and you're welcome. RSVP to a party when the invitation asks you to. Use R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Taking the time to use etiquette, manners, and kindness shows that you value your relationship with that person...whether it be a friendship, a marriage, a family relation, or a professional relationship. Failing to do so leads to the opposite, in which the other person feels underappreciated, ignored or not worth your time.
Okay, phew. That was a lot of negativity. I would like to end on a positive note. "Don't get discouraged. Things WILL work out."- Gordon B. Hinckley. No matter what, my husband always tells me "everything is going to be okay" and you know what? In one way or another, he's right. You will go on to another day, so why not fill that day with kindness, honesty, love, and respect?
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